What We Do in the Shuttlebays

Posted on 19 Jan 2025 @ 4:06am by Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater
Edited on 19 Jan 2025 @ 4:09am

1,157 words; about a 6 minute read

Personal Log, Stardate 69389.7

Weird memories have started to show up. Maybe I'm finally getting my share of these future visions. It could be possible that the effects of the anti-psychotics delayed the onset. I've stopped taking them. Don't need my brain being turned to soup while I'm also meant to be second officer of a starship.

There's a problem though. With the memories I mean.

I remember being in one of the shuttles. I must have been in there making some kind of modification, perhaps as part of the whole situation the original Galileo found itself in.

Sorry, before we get on to the memories just a minor tangent: it feels strange to not be the original Sofie. Who knows how many other temporal events have occurred over the courses of our lives that we didn't know about but this one I did know about. There was another me. She travelled to the future. I don't think she ever heard the voice of the flayed man in her head and she vanished into oblivion years from home. I feel sorry for her.

Anyway, yes I was doing something in one of the shuttles...

You know details don't really matter. They're all somewhat dreamlike anyway in the way that half recalled memories so often are. I often envy those who have perfect recall, those that can just pluck a memory out of the past and recall it without any blurring, unaffected by the little lies we tell ourselves.

So there's a whole bunch of these memories and they all seem to involve Ensign Sera and me in moments of...

What happened over there? That's not the sort of thing I would do. I know me. I would not have consented to that. Did we all go mad? Were we under duress? I don't think so. Those memories don't fill me with fear or sadness. Thinking on them now I am shocked and nauseous but at the time I think I was... I don't know. I wasn't upset.

In the accounts I have been using to build up a picture of what happened nobody mentioned anything like this, Maybe it was just me? Maybe something about Sera was just different.

She is a Vulcan. Vulcans do have some kind of telepathy. Could she have...

No. I don't know her well but I can't imagine she would have done that.

Maybe I should confront her. Ask her if she remembers these events too. It's a good idea but every time I see her I feel like I want to throw up. Sometimes I do.

I've been synthesising an antiemetic in the chemistry labs. I don't want to talk to the doctors about this yet so I'll do it myself. I told Lamar we aren't going to doctors. Maybe I could tell him about this, about Sera. I feel after rejecting him yesterday he might not appreciate knowing that I slept with Sera.

"Slept with" Isn't it just such a stupid term? We weren't doing any sleeping. Gods of the stars, I hate this. This isn't me. I would never have done this.

I need to throw up. End log.

---

Personal Log, Stardate 69392.2

They went down to the planet together.

I don't think these were my memories. Why would I have been doing maintenance on a shuttle? Why would I have done any of those things I remember?

Here's a new theory. Ensign Sera has begun to bond with Lamar, forming that telepathic connection. She didn't know that Lamar and me were already connected, she didn't know that now she's trapped me in this triangle too. Every time I see here I feel these horrid compulsions. This is not me, I do not find her attractive, I do not desire her. I hate this so so so much.

The nausea is only getting worse.

It's her that's causing it. I mean it's this telepathic link. I'm sure of that. Every time I think too much about her, every time I see her, every time another of these memories surfaces: for all of them the nausea comes back.

I talked this trough with the flayed man, he thinks that I'm right. Assuming that he's just a figment of my imagination that meant I agree that I am right. I talk to him all time time. My hands still hurt but nothing has been quite as bad as the other day.

He isn't fully on my side though, he threatened to kill me again in a nightmare if I didn't go along with what he wanted. I don't want to go through that again. I cried for a long time.

Then I threw up again.

I think people are starting to notice I look ill.

Computer, end log.

---

Personal Log, Stardate 69394.9

We had agreed to meet again in a couple of day so that we could discuss our next steps on how to deal with the situation. He went down to the planet with Sera before we could talk.

I don't know if I feel jealous because she has taken my friend away when I needed him or if I feel jealous because he gets to be with someone that uninvited thoughts tell me that I desire. I don't like it either way.

He'll tell her, I'm sure. Maybe he won't mean to but I feel it is inevitable. The voice of the fire told me that he wouldn't betray me like that. I don't think it'll be intentional though, it won't be a betrayal. It will just be a sharing of information through their connection. One must assume that since I now know more that I'd like about Sera she could find out about me too.

The wedding will be soon.

I'm so glad that I didn't kill Mimi. Thank all the stars and all their gods that I was too pathetic to mange it. I was weak and my weakness saved her. I hurt so many people though. I feel guilty.

Why do I say all these thoughts in personal logs? My logs already know I'm guilty. Logs don't talk back but the fire does so I should probably talk at him instead. My hands hurt. Woke up the this morning and I'd been scratching in the night again. It wasn't too bad but... I had beaten this years ago.

Still finding it hard to keep a meal down. Asked Nesh to make something specifically for me last night. Nesh is a good friend, never tries to hurt me. Couldn't keep it down though. Kept thinking of Sera.

I should go to sickbay, I undoubtedly need medical help... Can't though. Don't know what's going to happen next. Can't let people know. He keeps telling me that. I agree.

Stars above! I'm bad at these logs. Didn't even tell you what I got Nesh to make. Not going to either.

End log.

RSS Feed