"First impressions"

Posted on 01 Mar 2024 @ 2:29am by Lieutenant JG Delainey Carlisle

917 words; about a 5 minute read

As soon as her meeting with the captain concluded, Delainey got to work. Despite the time constraints she had been given, the counselor had decided to reach out to schedule as many sit downs with the senior staff as possible. Under the circumstances, she thought it unwise to just show up and demand to be given attention.

With most appointments arranged and a few responses outstanding, Carlisle knew what she wanted to do next. "Computer, begin Chief Counselor's log, insert today's date."

As she awaited the chirp of confirmation, Delainey considered how to start, deciding to focus on the positive first.

***

Although I've only been back aboard the Galileo for a short time, it hasn't been as awkward as I thought it might be to settle in to my work. In many ways, the new faces help me see this posting as a brand new one instead of the full circle moment it felt like when I first learned the news I was being re-stationed here. I've always taken comfort in the familiarity of the work, no matter the posting, no matter the challenges.

I'd like to think I've done some good so far. Watching people discover themselves and move past trauma has always been rewarding, and despite the stresses we are all under, helping people overcome these day-to-challenges reminds me that even in the worst circumstances, life goes on. People still get colds, people still suffer broken hearts.

It was great being back in sickbay again. There were new faces, of course, but there were also familiar faces as well, including Allyndra's. ( Starfleet Command, if you're ever listening to this, please forgive the familiar use of our CMO's name. I can never remember how to spell or pronounce her surname.). She was professional but kind to me, which is why it's so hard for me to believe that she would ever threaten to remove the Captain from duty for no good reason, but that's exactly what our esteemed CO wants me to believe. Do I? It seems no matter where I fall, I'm showing bias toward someone. I don't think she would lie about something like that, and yet, I can't escape the feeling she was holding quite a bit back and perhaps trying to manage my impressions of her.

I wouldn't be much of a therapist if I expected every interaction to be pleasant and to go exactly as I would wish, but my first interaction with Galileo's commanding officer was, in a word, bizarre. What started off as a discussion about a theoretical psychological disorder resulting from time travel quickly became a tense conversation about her initially vague concerns about the psychological well-being of the crew. In fact, the only thing clear in that part of the discussion were her demands that I fix problems she was reluctant to identify at all. It was only after I explained several times and in several different ways that I needed more information if I was going to give an informed opinion that she finally relented and shared some specifics with me. I still find myself wondering why it was so hard to get even that information from her. Surely, she had to understand why telling me to do something about the crew's without ever telling me what was problematic was not ever going to advance the discussion. There were several times when I wanted to make sure the universal translator was working properly.

When she finally disclosed specific concerns, she then imposed restrictions on what I could do to address the problem and how long I could do it. I'd like to say for the record I understand time is of the essence and starship captains rarely have the luxury of giving any senior staff member their ideal working conditions, but in this case, she seemed surprised that I couldn't come up with an instant solution that would solve a variety of maladies she was reluctant to label much less expand upon. Even more perplexing was her resistance to me talking with the crew as part of the solution. I find it hard to believe that someone in her position would be surprised by or object to the recommendation that problems with the crew should be dealt with by communicating with them.

I thought I had a decent amount of sympathy for our engineers before, but for the first time, I truly understood what it was like to be asked to do the impossible.

Except I can't imagine an engineer ever feeling as if they were being gaslit.

That's the only explanation I can give when I think about coming up with a solution within the parameters she set, only to be told my solution wasn't good enough because of the very limitations she imposed. I felt a bit like the man angry with his chosen deity for not saving the man from drowning in a flood, despite the fact the man was given a weather report, someone to rescue him in a boat and someone to rescue him with a helicopter!

I know better than to take someone else's pathology personally, but I do have to wonder what this means for the well-being of the rest of the crew going forward. If the captain makes impossible demands on others as some sort of test to see how long it will be before she pushes them away, which is my current working theory, I'm concerned about how far she will take it.

Only time will tell.

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