One Foot

Posted on 23 Sep 2012 @ 4:51pm by Commander Andreus Kohl

667 words; about a 3 minute read

Andreus Kohl's personal log, supplementary entry

One foot in front of the other.

I think that's how the idiom goes. The translation from Argelian to Federation Standard is almost literal in this case. Maybe it's already used, as an idiom, in Federation Standard. Perhaps it's common across all bipedal species and cultures... I'll have to remember to ask that diplomatic officer who was sending out the questionnaires...

One foot in front of the other.

That's how I'm getting through my days now. It's all I can do. Getting through the day is crucial; it's necessary. I can't get weighed down by the-- by the-- by the weightiness of everything.

This was-- this transfer to Galileo-- this was supposed to be easier. Not easier, perhaps. It was going to be a challenge. I never served in such a small crew before, never had so many lives depending on my skill before. I'm accustomed to being one member of a village of medical staff. This was going to be a challenge, but it was supposed to be easier than Bactricia. There was supposed to be a better knife's-edge balance between my duty and my life.

Bactricia... it wasn't good for me. Working as a battlefield medic, it was the right choice for my career. I learned so much in such a short time, and I had to, I had to catch up for the detours in my career. It was the right choice for my career, but I couldn't have maintained a life there. Perhaps that was why Starfleet transferred me. No one lasts too long on Bactricia. Living with that kind of violence every day, it creates distance between oneself and others. It creates distance between oneself and oneself! I left that tour of duty behind, I left the people in my life behind and I don't miss any of them. That's not right, it's not proper, it's not me to not miss them.

Galileo is supposed to be more me. Supposed to be. But I lose my father as soon as I arrive, and then the Klingons and going to rescue the Captain, and then my team-- I don't even feel comfortable with my own medical staff. And I'm alone here, hiding in a nebula.

I never-- I was supposed to contact my mother about Da's funeral. She won't have been able to reach me in days. She must think I'm dead too...

One foot. One foot in front of the other. That's what I do. I walk into Sickbay, and I do what I do. My triage skills were put to the test the other day, but that's not why I chose to study medicine. I never wanted to save lives. I don't want to be the one making the difference between life and death. I mean, it's my duty, and I don't want beings to die, and it's becoming muscle memory to me. I can do it.

But the reason, my motivation to study medicine, was rehabilitation and long term care. Improving a body's life by mere centimetres, that's what I do this for. Brushing up on my speech-language therapy with Drusilla, spending long hours on physical therapy with Quinn -- that's what I do this for. That's my one foot in front of the other. As long as I can do that, I don't have to think about Pola or my family.

There are distractions -- other distractions, I mean, but they haven't been as effective as duty. There was that date. Well, I asked him out on a date and he said yes to the date, but it didn't happen. He stood me up. Said he was too busy because of the mysterious Sienna whatsit. But, I mean, come on? Too busy to eat? He has to eat. Of all people, he has to eat. But he says he was too busy. Busy. Anyway.

One foot. That's it. End log.

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