Am I losing my mind...

Posted on 16 Apr 2017 @ 6:49pm by Ambassador Soral Varro

471 words; about a 2 minute read

Airlock Reflections

Varro sat inside the airlock watching as the stars streaked by. His head was pounding. He’d spent the night in sickbay with Eviess keeping watch. The thought of losing another person who meant a lot to him scared him and had shaken him more then he thought. He picked up a PADD and hit the record button. “Soral Varro personal log.” He cleared his throat and entered the stardate before he began again.

“It has been a long night. Eviess is still asleep but has gotten through the worst of it.” He paused his mind jumbled with emotions. “It was just days ago that I sat here with Evie.” He remembered the conversation vividly. They had talked about the first time they’d met a bittersweet memory for both.

“We talked about so much in our shared past. I have…I have been rather confused about it and about Evie. I have always been protective of her, that is to say, since the first day we met I have always had the urge to protect her. She’d saved Marcus’ life and I thought that at first it was gratitude. I had in turn helped her with an issue but it’s more than that. When I am with her I have the urge to try and move heaven and earth, as the humans say, to make her smile.” He sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned further against the wall.

“My thoughts are drawn to her at rather regular intervals during the day and I find that when I am not with her, I wonder what she is doing.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand, a habit he had when frustrated. “I must say, I am rather annoyed with myself. I do not know if I am losing my mind or if…”

No, he would not go there. “I am probably exhausted with all that has happened. I …” He let out a frustrated sound.

Varro looked at the PADD in his hand. He stopped the recording and hit the delete button. He stood up and headed out of the airlock and wondered if he was losing his mind. He had the urge to go and talk with the counselor but squashed that urge. Instead he headed back to the quarters he had been assigned, showered, and then headed back to sickbay. He’d stay with her another night. Just to make sure she was okay. In his mind he was trying to convince himself that he’d do that for all his crewmates…yeah…that was it. He’d act this way with anyone…or so he told himself because if he’d said anything different he’d have to analyze that and he wasn’t ready for it.

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