Not A Chance meeting

Posted on 17 Mar 2013 @ 9:59pm by Lieutenant Jared Nicholas & Ansen Pawlak

1,557 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo Jared's Cabin
Timeline: MD05: 2200 hrs

Jared had sent a message to Ansen's PAdD asking him to come to his quarters. He felt he was pushing the envelope by doing so, especially since ha had been confined there for two days, but he needed to see the other man. He just hoped that he would show up.

After the embarrassment he had caused, or helped to cause he really wasn't sure whether he would show, of if he did what his reaction would be.

Ansen stared at the memo on the PADD. No one ever sent him... anything... on the PADD. Let alone... He looked at the oven studiously for a long while. No clear answers waited for him in the bracketed orange glow. He barely had a purpose here as it was, that much was clear as crystal now. They'd replaced him with replicators and amateurs for two days and no one had noticed or cared. Not a word. He had no reason to be here. He had no reason to be anywhere.

Having received no reply to his query Jared went about his normal duties in the lab, which at this point in time meant he was doing very little. Finally at the end of a very long and unproductive day, he decided to go in search of Ansen.

He checked the computer to see his whereabouts.

Jared wasn't sure about the wisdom of going to the kitchen once more, especially after what had happened there before, but he went anyway. Resolved that this time nothing would happen. He would be in total control.

At least that is what he told himself.

Ansen was haggard, made wan by the glow of the oven in the otherwise dark galley; his beard unclipped and the bags under his eyes pronounced. When the door opened admitting the light from the mess hall, he half-winced then startled as he saw who it was. "You shouldn't be here."

Jared gave him a pained expression shaking his head. "There was nothing wrong with what we did, I don't know about you but I'm not ashamed. IT felt good. No, it felt really good.

Next time, I'm hoping you'll let there be a next time, we just need to pick a more... a more discrete location. Please don't send me away."

Ansen ducked his head, staring down at his hands. "I could have gotten you discharged. I'm not... I'm not good for anyone. Just- wrecking everything I touch. Always did, but now Marek-" His voice was low and rough from disuse. "You have a future with these people. I'm sorry I jeopardized that for you."

"You know the last time I checked it takes two to tango. I went in with this with my eyes wide open. And you know I understand Holliday is a little pissed right now. but you know. He'll get over it.

No one is going to be discharged." Jared resisted the urge, barely, to go and embrace the other man. "Why don't we just start over. Fresh slate as it were."

"I'm out of slates," Ansen looked up, raw. "I'm done. It's just a matter of time now. Next starbase and I'll be gone. The waiting is all that's left. They don't need me here. No one does anymore."

"What if I need you?"

"No one does," the Pole repeated. "Why should you?"

"I need a friend maybe even a boyfriend and I don't see anyone else stepping up to the plate I don't know what the future holds, but I'd like to find out and I can't do that if you leave.

Do you know how many guys I've let top me at leas willingly? There's only been two or three. I only do that with people I really like who I am in a serious relationship with or who I think I'm going to be in serious relationship with.

You're not the only one that's been through things. I don't tell many people this, but I was an Orion sex slave for three year. Starting at 13 I was forced to do... to do things I don't want to think about much less discuss.

You're smart, good looking and right now you're letting the pain you're going through cloud your judgement."

He gave into the temptation then and walked over to where Ansen was standing leaned in and kissed him boldly on the lips. "Now I'm not doing anything more than that here. But if Stone, Holiday, or the President of the Federation doesn't like it, then they can straight to Hell."

Ansen stared at him. He wasn't sure where to start. With the kiss? With the fact that he'd apparently barreled heedlessly past the officer's boundaries and put him in a position - physically, emotionally, and professionally - that wasn't what he'd wanted? With the admission of being forced into the sex trade as a child? With the comparison between the two? With the apparent intent in this virtual stranger of engaging in a 'serious relationship' - a boyfriend - for God's sake, why? What did that even mean? And why him? Because 'no one else was stepping up to the plate'?

Was it simply a matter of wanting someone - anyone - even if they were a gaping wound of self-destruction? Where the hell did that leave either of them? Sex was one thing - Ansen could handle sex. At least, he'd thought he could. Then again - what was sex, but a reaffirmation of the fact that he was alive while Marek was corpse-cold detritus in space? But... relationships? He could barely bring himself to walk from his quarters to the galley and back. Every contact with other people felt forced, unnatural, as though his body were made of lead. Smiling hurt; it was a physical pain, stretching his cheeks raw on the inside to the point he thought they might spontaneously rip and start bleeding everywhere.

Jared thought applying heat would melt him, soften him, make him something moldable. Ansen was pretty sure he'd just collapse and drain through the floor, through the decks, out the hull, as a mass of useless organs.

He was supposed to say something. He knew that. But, for the love of God, he didn't even know how to process the information that had just been thrown at him, let alone the pressure for some kind of reciprocation inherent in Jared's words. He turned his gaze back to the oven. Stirrings. Hormones. Life was a cruel bitch with a dark sense of humor.

Jared took an involuntary step back. Ansen's raw emotions swept over him like a wave of photonic energy. Despair, confusion, sorrow over his brother and others he could not decipher because they were so jumbled.

"I'm sorry," he managed after a pause. "I'm throwing all this at you unannounced. It's not fair and it's not fair that, well I expect you to feel the same. I just don't want to see you self... I don't want to see you go down that road. But if you can look me in the eye and tell me you really want me to go, then I will.

"Can you look me in the eye and tell me why on earth you care?" Ansen asked, the words belying the tiredness in his voice. His eyes remained stubbornly fastened to the glow of the oven. "Why you'd want to be here at all? You're a smart guy, Jared. You've made a life for yourself. A career. I've already dragged you down once. Just... go. Save yourself, for God's sake."

So Jared did look him in the eye and tapped his own head. "I can't tell you why I care, I only know that I do. The Orions played with my mind. I can feel you pain and well... well I just have to do something about it.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I like you. I don't know how much or what it could turn into if anything, but I want to find out. You don't want anything from me and I guess that is one of the reasons I feel like I do Maybe, just maybe we would be good for each other."

Ansen shut his eyes and turned his face away. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. But I can't be what you want."

"You may not think so now, but think about it. Don't do anything rash and don't disappear on me." He turned and started walking away. He made it to the door before he turned, "Meet me in the holodeck tomorrow at 1830. I've got a surprise in mind."

"Jared-"

"What?"

"You're really persistent, aren't you?"

He gave the cook a sideways smile. "My middle name. Are you going to be there?"

"I get the feeling you might camp out here if I don't."

"The thought had crossed my mind. But I tell you what. It's just going to be a fun time. No pressure and I'm not going to bring a pair of wedding rings. Relax, try to enjoy yourself and if you still feel the same after then I'll walk away and leave you to yourself."

Ansen shut his eyes. "Tak. As you wish."

"Great. See you then."

[OFF]

Jared

Ansen Pawlak
Chef
USS Galileo
(pNPC Lilou Peers)

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