When All Else Fails...(2 of 2)

Posted on 17 Jan 2013 @ 11:26am by Ensign Jessica Wilson M.D. & Lieutenant Commander Pola Ni Dhuinn M.D.

3,817 words; about a 19 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Medical
Timeline: MD -02, 1830

Previously.....

Once again he scowled. Was disassociative memory disorder a mental illness or a physical illness? He stared at the PADD before putting it down again. "Can't you just bring up previous questionnaires?" he asked. From times when doctors - less judgmental - had helped him to get them filled out accurately. "I'm sure nothing's changed."

"There is a reason that we have these medicals, with these questionaires, every time we change assignment, in case something has changed that we don't know about," Jessica replied. "Note the small question mark next to each question, it'll give you help on how to answer the questions, now please hold as still as you can whilst you do, I'm detecting abnormal alpha waves, I need to scan your head.

And now......


"Those are probably normal," he answered after trying to twist to see what she was talking about. " Could you call up a previous questionnaire for me to look at?" He asked as he began tapping his fingers on his chest. "So I know how some questions should be answered? Like family medical history?"

Jessica considered making a sarcastic comment about actually being allowed to look at his file without being threatened with arrest, but managed to quash that particular comment before it could make its way to her mouth. She picked up another PADD and brought up a previous questionaire.

"Just don't copy stuff over if it has changed," Jessica agreed taking a medical tricorder. "Now please sit still, I need to scan."

Jeremy took the second PADD and laid it with the first, waiting for the scan to finish before finishing his questionnaire.

"Well, it looks like its your brain complaining from lack of sleep and trying to recover some whilst you're awake," Jessica commented looking at her scans thoughtfully. "How much sleep are you getting, about?"

"About two and a half hours on average," he answered, trying not to move while she still scanned.

"Far too little," Jessica nodded, closing the tricorder. "You need to be getting at least six hours, preferably more, otherwise you're going to be paying off sleep debt until you get some proper sleep, that'll be causing the alpha waves by the looks of it, might also cause stress and agitation."

"I sleep for as long as I sleep," he said, shrugging. "I budget for six hours, but wake up before that. It's been that way for years. But now you're starting to see that there are actual problems other than just being 'unstable' or an addict?"

"I stand by my original decision, by the definition you are mentally unstable and border-line addicted to the drugs, and at the time you were exhibiting the worst aspects of both," Jessica replied evenly. "Now give the circumstances the lats thing I want to do is start prescribing sedatives on top of your other medication, but have you ever tried any other methods of promoting sleep that doesn't require medicine?"

Jeremy sighed, "Relaxation, visualization, exhaustion, yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, exercising to exhaustion, warm milk, valerian root, chamomile, melatonin, hypnosis, intoxication. None helped. But I'll make a deal with you, Ensign, you tell me a way to not be "unstable without the medication - a method that works - and I'll hand you the hypospray of medication and never ask for it back. I'm not 'addicted', Ensign. It's not a 'drug' for me but a necessity."

He scowled as he stared at the ceiling. "Who the hell are you to judge anyway? You still don't have a clue what I've been through and you keep to your snap judgment. I'm sorry my existence is proof that the universe isn't neat and orderly but dark and cold and vastly uncaring. For someone who's professional oath includes 'first do no harm', your snap judgments do a whole hell of a lot of harm."

Jessica forced herself to remain calm, although given her generally timid personality it wasn't particularly difficult. She couldn't help but notice that he was still calling her by her rank not by her salutation.

"I'm a doctor, we have to make quick judgments, right or wrong, every time we see a patient if we dally we risk causing more harm than help, when you came in you were agitated, aggressive and rude, but let's not go into that last one right now, without any background it would have been remiss of me to issue medication without any checks," Jessica replied. "And when I attempted to check your records, to get the background information on 'what you've been through' it was you that prevented me from doing so under threat of physical violence and arrest."

"Also where exactly have I caused you harm? You've had to see a counselor, that's a good thing, you've come to the attention of the chief medical officer, that's a good thing, some of these things may have caused you inconvenience or annoyance but they are not harm," Jessica continued evenly. "Many people mistake the Hippocratic Oath, and as it happens the words 'do no harm' are not actually in any version of the oath, rather they are explicit in the general tone of the oath, however the oath also makes it clear that as a doctor my first concern must be to the health of my patients, and giving drugs to an patient who is exhibiting aggression and unstable mental state is not doing so, and I will not apologize for wanting to carry out checks, it should remind you that Doctor Ni Dhuinn agreed with
me."

Jessica paused again.

"Let's get to the crux of the matter, if this was coming from an experienced doctor, like the CMO, you wouldn't be having this problem, that much was clear the last time you were in here," Jessica commented. "You see me as a child, and have said as much, which considering how young I look is hardly surprising, and I am lacking in on-the-job experience, however I do know my stuff and wouldn't have passed out of the Medical Academy if I didn't."

Jessica paused again.

"I've reviewed your file, Lieutenant, I understand what you've been through, but i also know that you've shunned every attempt by counselors and physicians alike to help you, we can only help you if you let us," Jessica finished and shut down the biobed. "Your medical is complete, aside from the elevated alpha waves, and the already known other issues, nothing else is of concern, you're cleared for duty."

Jeremy had a flash of anger despite his best attempts to hide it, he couldn't. "You understand what I've been through?" He asked. "How can you when I don't? You're wrong in so many ways, Ensign, and I think of you as a child because that's what you are. You're trying to play grownup but haven't got the first clue. If you really checked my file you would see that I've been in regular counseling for years. If you checked this ship's records you'll see that I've been trying to get an appointment with a counselor since I arrived and it took a psychotic break and intervention from the CMO to make it finally happen. A break, I might add, was propogated in part by having some wannabe whiz kid take one look at someone aggravated and aggressive and telling them how worthless he is. It was me last time, but what's going to happen next time? I've had years to deal with my issues and developed some control, you get someone in here who hasn't and it won't be threats, it'll be violence. You still don't understand how your tactlessness could have gotten you, our someone else, killed do you?"

He shook his head and sighed. "You're right though, I wouldn't have had that problem with Dr. Dhuinn or any other experienced doctor. But not because you're new but because you're stupid. Dr. Dhuinn had the same concerns, granted, but at what point did she blurt out that I'm crazy...and an addict? She didn't because she's smart enough to know better. She saw a person who was on the edge, someone in crisis and needing help and tried to help. You just gave me insults and reiterated that the Federation is willing to throw people away when they're inconvenient. Dhuinn was still willing to help bring me back from the edge after I warned her how violent I would get, because she understands that some people get overwhelmed and need help, not insults."

He stood and called Sidi over to him. "You said you reviewed my file? Does that tell you I've been drunk four times in the last ten years? That I drink nothing more stimulating than tea, or the occasional coffee? That I take a daily medication that could kill me if I mix it with intoxicants? When looking at my file did you happen to notice the medication I take is not narcotic nor addictive? No, I bet you didn't. You understand what I went through? Then why do you still look at me as if I'm trash? That is how you harm me, Ensign. You make me realize that I won't get the medical help I need here when I need it. You make this Medical very uncomfortable for me so I don't want to return no matter how badly I'm hurt. My meds will run out again soon and then what do I do; decide to try to live without them again and pray for the best or subject myself to feeling worthless and like trash all over again? Or have to live in dread that I'll be judged to have harmed myself out of a mental illness or to secure drugs? When you have to rebuild everything you are from scraps and take on faith what people say you are, then maybe you can say you understand what I went through. Until then, you're just another danger to a life I'm still trying to recover."

He grabbed Sidi's lead. "I know you're too egotistical to ever apologize for what you did to me and I can live with that. Hell, you're lucky because in a few days I may have forgotten all about it...literally. I just hope you'll be able to live with yourself when you get someone else hurt because you don't even realize how wrong you are."

"Lieutenant you shouldn't be in that uniform, based on everything I've read from each of the counselors who tried to help you, based on your medical record and the atrocity that you went through, and the treatment by Starfleet afterwards, it is hardly surprising that you are as mentally unstable as you are," Jessica snapped in reply. "The fact that you can threaten violence so casually only goes to show that you are a danger to yourself and everyone around you, my God man, you drew a phaser on a fellow officer! I may not be perfect and I may not be experienced and yes I'll make mistakes, but you, sir, are a disgrace to your uniform."

Jessica scowled, finally unleashing her pent up feelings.

"If you want to have me brought up on charges for insubordination go right ahead," Jessica continued. "Let's get one thing clear, whatever you think of me I am a doctor, if you come under my care I will treat you as any other patient, however, I personally consider you to be a contemptible individual who, despite being given every opportunity, has refused the help offered, you are not the only man in the Federation to be violated, I have personally met several others during my training and found them to be upstanding individuals and consider a few of them to be friends, you are the embodiment of everything that your captors intended you to become, and you've let them win."

Having been watching the whole situation, Pola realised that it had spiraled out of control. "Ensign! Lieutenant!" There was absolutely no denying the authority in her voice as she watched both people and full expected them to snap to attention as she dared either one of them to speak.

"Both of you are pushing boundaries not allowed to be touched. Right now, I could have both of you thrown in the brig for insubordination in the presence of a senior member of this crew." Drawing breath, she gave them both a moment but left no doubt that if either of them spoke they would be thrown in the brig.

"Ensign. I've spoken to the Lieutenant concerning his earlier behaviour. To continuously make reference to it and to make a judgement is out of order. As his superior officer in rank and as his Chief Medical Officer, I've made a call on what happened and we've death with it. Move on. This will not be the first time in your career you will encounter an instance where you see behaviour which goes against your beliefs but for every grudge you hold, you fail at encompassing what a doctor is."

"Ma'am, with respect, Lieutenant Stone not only referenced his earlier behavior but also repeated it, I was doing my best to treat him with respect and civility, he was the one who started this off again," Jessica replied, doing her best to keep her tone even. "And as I said, in case you didn't hear, I know my duty, I'll treat him like any other patient, that doesn't mean I have to like or respect him personally, and in no way does my oath or my duty say that I have to."

"No, Ensign. You allowed your sight to be shadowed by your complete anger and feeling of disrespect for this patient. You missed small indicators of where he needed help. On numerous occasions he talked about not being able to remember, you asked him to complete a questionnaire and he asked to see previous ones to help him. At no point did you offer help, perhaps tried to help jog his memory. Instead you focused on you, personally. When you step into Sickbay, your opinions and feelings cease to exist. Your duty to to care for an individual with everything with your abilities. Today...you did not do that."

At no point had her body language changed not did her voice raise as she watched the woman, still fully aware of Jeremy but only willing to tackle one issue at a time.

"With respect, Ma'am, if you think my judgement is compromised with Lieutenant Stone, and I would be obliged to agree, then you should never have sent me in here to do it, and you should never have ordered me to prevent me from objecting," Jessica replied. "Under my Oath I would have been within my rights to object to treating this patient unless there wasn't another doctor available, there was, and you deliberately put us together despite knowing that it was going to end up in a royal mess."

"No, Ensign. What I've done is force you to own up to your responsibilities. I cannot be here 24/7 and in the event of something happening to me, you become the senior doctor. If you cannot handle something as simple as a medical, how are you going to handle it if someday the Lieutenant is on a biobed bleeding to death? Think about that..."

Staring down Jessica a few moments more, Pola turned to Jeremy. "And Lieutenant, she is correct. You promised me you would apologise but you haven't said the words to her, except in the heat of the moment. You did wrong, fine. We pick up the pieces and move on, repairing what we can. Today you allowed this woman's anger to get to you and rise you into arguing with her."

During Wilson's dressing down, Jeremy gave a silent hand signal and Sidi rose up to put his paws on Jeremy's waist. Focusing on the dog, he discovered, gave him an excuse not to have to look at others. When Pola turned on him he blinked several times. "No, Doctor, I did. I watched the feed. I asked you to tell me if I had to apologize even if I didn't understand why and you said yes. Then I did." He sighed. "I hoped, now that she saw that I have actual problems she would understand I'm not an addict, or unstable. But I guess I was wrong about that." He shrugged. "I told you earlier though, I'm used to not being liked. What's one more person really? I'll survive and forget why she hates me and it'll be just like everything else, just one more thing not to understand."

"No, Lieutenant, you stood in front of me and said you would apologise. You never approached the Ensign to say it to her face. She was looking after another patient for the duration of our conversation and even after you left." Rubbing a hand across her forehead, Pola tried to rub away the headache she could feel forming.

"In this instance, this is one more person whom you may have to someday entrust your life with or she entrust you directly with hers. Today is just proof, neither of you can push your opinions aside and focus on the purpose of what it is all about. You see her as a child fine, but when she is under this roof she is also a doctor and deserves to be trusted to know what's right. Every bit of medical advise she has given you is all sound. The only issue is her attitude."

Jeremy frowned. "I didn't? You're sure?" he asked, looking up at her briefly. It wasn't a challenge or doubt of her honesty, but a request for confirmation. "I said I would, why wouldn't I have done so if I said I would." Sidi dropped to all fours and nudged the pocket with his ball in it.

Jeremy sighed deeply. "Ensign Wilson, I'm sorry for how I was the other day. I was out of line and acted in a poor manner."

He glanced at Pola briefly and shrugged. For all the good it would do.

Jessica was conflicted. Part of her wanted to refuse the apology, shun it and completely leave him alone unless he was bleeding out on her watch. At the same time she knew that would just piss off Pola and right now that was not the ideal situation. She rather doubted that he meant it, and god-knew that she didn't want to accept it, but it had to be done.

"Apology accepted, Lieutenant."

Jeremy sighed. He heard the tone of her voice and knew he was right that his apology did no good, but what could he do? He was already uncomfortable enough having to watch Dr. Dhuinn dress down one of her personnel in front of everyone, even someone not of their department. He checked his chrono, realizing he would still be able to make his Holodeck time if he was able to leave.

Pola knew that the woman didn't completely accept it but it was somewhat of a success that Jessica had placed her pride and emotions behind her and done the right thing. Baby steps would get them places. Letting out her breath, Pola softly smiled at them both. "Jeremy, go play with Sidi, he's about to chew your trouser pocket apart looking for that ball. Jessica, go get some more rest for your duties tonight. But let it be known, if I hear you've both been having arguments with each other again, I will have you both thrown in the brig and you will not be released until you learn to be civilised and trust each other."

Jessica snapped to attention, formally.

"Aye-Aye, Ma'am."

She then turned and departed, more than happy to get the hell out of the sickbay, away from Stone and back to sleep that had been so rudely interrupted.

Jeremy watched Wilson leave and shook his head. "You do realize, Doctor, that insubordination is intent specific and must be directed? Also, you realize, that I control the brig and you couldn't lock me in there?" For others it might be a joke, or an attempt at humor. For Jeremy it was just a simple statement of facts. He wanted to add that Wilson's opinion or intentions hadn't changed a bit but left that off. If Dr. Dhuinn believed Wilson had accepted his apology, it would be better for the two of them.

"C'mon, Sidi," he said, "it's time for you to do some work. Your human needs some training. That is, if we're dismissed, Commander?"

"I just witnessed the two of you disrupt sickbay and a potential that if I'd had any patients here in recovery that they would have been stressed to bear witness to this behaviour. If it happens again, if I can't get you on insubordination, trust me there will be something else within the rule book I can get you on."

Moving down onto her hunkers, Pola offered Sidi a big smile before giving him a big rub. "And Jeremy...if I needed to lock you in the brig I have means with which I can manage it." Playfully kissing Sidi's snout, Pola moved back to her feet as she pulled a dog biscuit out of her pocket. "As promised, I keep a supply beside the lollipops. This was because Sidi was extremely good during all of that ruckus."

"Disturbing the peace, conduct unbecoming an officer," Jeremy said, quoting regulations and not realizing that he was helping her, "Disobedience to a direct order - that's a stretch but would get the point across. There are about four other charges that could be applied, seven if you're willing to stretch credibility and have several thrown out by the arbitor." He nodded as Sidi looked up at him, his eyes begging to accept the treat.

Gently reaching out, Sidi took the biscuit and began chomping on it. Jeremy waited for them to be dismissed.

Nosing her head towards the door, Pola offered a wordless dismissal as a smile still highlighted her lips. As she watched man and dog disappear, Pola knew she shouldn't like the man who sacked her boyfriend with no grounds to do so and pulled a phaser on her but still...her heart went out to him, especially when she'd seen how scared and panicked he was when he thought he'd harmed Sidi. Shaking her head to herself, Pola set about cleaning the area Jessica had left and updating the Chief of Securiy's medical file.

[OFF]

Lieutenant Commander Pola Ni Dhuinn M.D.
Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

LTjg Jeremy Stone
Chief Security/Tactical Officer/K9
USS Galileo

Ensign Jessica Wilson M.D.
Medical Officer (Intern)
U.S.S. Galileo

Sidious MWD 7223
K9 Security unit
USS Galileo

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