Warriors

Posted on 30 Oct 2021 @ 12:42am by Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater
Edited on on 03 Nov 2021 @ 5:33pm

1,586 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 17 - Crystal of Life
Location: USS Kali - Sciences Briefing Room
Timeline: MD 06, 1312 hrs

Previously on, Polychronion...

It was a while before either of them broke the silence.

Marin had that look on his face - wary, almost embarrassed, knowing he was seeing someone in a place of vulnerability. Sofie had seen the look to other faces before, she didn't hate it anymore, She understood he was doing his best. In her mind she had put him in this position and so it was probably up to her to break through it. "Thank you." She said simply, wiping her eyes and looking up with a smile.

"Don't worry about it," she could tell Marin had so obviously been here before "I'm here for you - we get through this together. That's how we get through everything on Kali, together."

"Then I wish you all many more years of togetherness." Sofie placed a hand on the middle of the table between them.

"Many years." Marin agreed.

And Now, the Conclusion...

[ON]

There were few quiet spots in the Kali science labs. They had been serving as emergency accommodation for those who had been quartered in the section of the ship that had decompressed and space was at a premium. Sofie had a sleeping spot near to the desk she had previously worked at as science liaison which felt like something of a minor irony and as she sat and tried to think about nothing she kept wishing to go back to that previous time.

Other than the standard Starfleet emergency bed there wasn't much else around her. She had been lucky that she hadn't been in her quarters during the battle but unfortunately her personal belongings had not been so lucky.

Somewhere out in the void floated those lost objects. A picture of her with her family at a Christmas, an otter cuddly toy that she'd had since childhood, a bible she'd been gifted on her 12th birthday, a book of Cardassian poetry given to her by Arthur. All of them lost. It hurt to think about them but she kept chastising herself because in the big picture much more valuable things had been lost that day. It was in this very room that not a couple of days earlier she would sit and chat with Marin. How they had laughed and how he had been there for her and how he had comforted her on this unfamiliar ship. And then how she saw him die on Kali's bridge.

It hadn't been the first time Sofie Ullswater had seen death staring her in the face but that didn't make it any easier.

Don't think about it.

As she sat there trying not to think about things she scrolled through some reports she had been reviewing before the battle. She couldn't concentrate on the words but the action of it was something automatic, kept her hands moving and was at least something as opposed to nothing. Her reverie of nothingness was interrupted suddenly though when a voice made its way through the lab to her spot. "Reading something interesting ensign?"

Sofie half jumped and looked around herself looking for the source of the voice which quickly revealed itself to be the Tellarite captain herself "I.. Well..." she tried to form a coherent response but her thoughts were like treacle. It was a good moment before it clicked in her mind that this was a captain speaking to her "Sorry, captain, sir." she blurted out as she moved to stand up.

The Tellarite gave a motion not to bother and replied "No worries Sofie, can I call you Sofie?" Sofie nodded wordlessly "Just stopping by to see how things are going." The captain leaned against the nearby desk and smiled. The whole mood of the captain seemed affectionate in a way that caught Sofie a bit off guard. "So, what are you reading?"

"Just an article," Sofie shrugged "from the Starfleet Geological Survey. Something about cryovolcanic activity and the formation of cantaloupe terrains." Diapiric canopies, crustal viscocity - all of it was just rolling off her at this point.

"Nothing I would know anything about." The captain grinned almost mischievously.

As if just on autopilot Sofie began to list things off, fully prepared to get into the meat of it "Its really pretty simple captain. In situations where crustal viscosity varies in a small area you can have a brittle ice layer and then a less dense intrusion from below forms a diapir-" she paused and in a moment of honesty said "I'm not really sure what this paper is about, I'm struggling to concentrate on it."

Evry's grin faded as she realised the conversation was about to take a more serious tone. "Are you doing alright ensign?"

Sofie shook her head, she tried her best to come up with good words but every time she moved to say something it got caught in her throat. In her mind she wanted to say how badly she had been taking this all, how she had to expend all her energy every single moment just to avoid thinking about all the death and fear and hopelessness of it all. All she wanted was to be able to not think about it but all she could do was think.

"Don't worry," the Tellarite said in response to Sofie's silence, She had a firm but accepting tone "This was your first time in battle right? I know how that can be for people, you don't need to say anything if you can't."

"I wish I could have been better on the bridge." Sofie blurted it out, she wasn't sure why she felt the need to apologise, this had to be one of the smallest things on her mind but of all the list of things she didn't want to think about at least this was one of the easier one to say. Had there been a more experienced officer there would things have been better? She had been so frightened that she couldn't really have been any use. Then the thoughts got darker: how many lives could have been saved if there had been a more competent scientist there? Was there blood on her hands?

The captain smiled warmly, a look of genuine compassion "I know it was hard for you, it always is. But that's why we stick together, we're a family and we look after each other." there was a well considered pause then Evry moved to sit at Sofie's side "You became part of that family when you fought with us."

Sofie nodded, she had felt it ever since the battle. Even if she hadn't been the best on the bridge she shared in the collective act of survival the crew had engaged in. They had faced adversity and lived. They were a team. "Thank you sir." she said, finally letting her guard down a bit.

Evry let the moment sit and linger. In the silence Sofie felt comfortable and safe, like the captain had the capacity to banish away all of the badness that was near her. After a while Evry's warm face turned a little more businesslike. "My sciences team is lacking in leadership after the battle." she didn't mention Marin at all but Sofie could feel the weight of him in her words "If you're feeling like becoming more part of that family we could definitely use a qualified science officer like yourself."

Sofie wanted to say yes right now, she wanted to feel the embrace of this crew in the way she had the last couple of days forever but there was something else. This was a warship, with a decorated war hero captain and a veteran crew. When she looked into the futures she might find here all of them lead back to battle, again and again. She took a long moment before responding "Though I appreciate the offer captain I'm not sure I could do it." She gestured in the direction of other people "Your crew have made me feel welcome, like part of your family but at the same time I don't think I'm like you, I'm not cut out for this, I'm not..." Sofie paused, trying to put together the right words. "I'm not a warrior."

Evry sighed and shook her head, it wasn't disappointment or anger or anything so negative but Sofie though it was more like the Tellarite had seen that response coming. "That's fine." She leaned back and stretched her legs out a bit "The offer will always be there, you made yourself our family this week, you'll always be able to find a friend here." Her voice then suddenly changed, almost melancholy in it "Let me remind you of something though ensign. You are a Starfleet officer and Starfleet is the strong arm of the Federation. We say all the right things about missions of peace and scientific discovery but at the end of the day Starfleet exists to maintain Federation security and to project Federation power. We are a military structure and that makes you an officer in that military. When the Federation calls for you to put your life on the line it is your job to do so. We are all instruments of the Federation."

The captain stood up, dusting herself off ready to move on "Like it or not Sofie Ullswater, you already were a warrior."

Don't think about it

[OFF]

--

Ensign Sofie Ullswater
Science Liaison
USS Kali

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