A Belated Follow-Up
Posted on 26 Sep 2015 @ 9:21am by Lieutenant Benice Gyce Ph.D. & Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy
Edited on on 26 Sep 2015 @ 9:27am
2,930 words; about a 15 minute read
Mission:
Episode 09 - Empires
Location: USS Galileo, Chief Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD 5: 1330 Hours
[On]
Mott's crazy new therapy session idea showed little improvement so far. But then again, Gyce supposed after only two sessions, it was still too early to judge. But the leg throbbed more often and without her NSAID painkiller to take the edge off, she found herself soaking in ice-cold tubs in Sickbay fairly often.
Was this temporary amount of excruciating pain worth it? Gyce did not know. And she was not entirely sure if that was a good thing, coming to the counselor's office.
As a trained criminal psychologist, she knew what Starfleet Counselors looked for in fully operational soldiers of the fleet. At least in the mental aspect. Sharing her worry about being addicted to painkillers that helped her sleep, was a blatant deflection from that last counseling session.
However deftly she played that master stroke then, that half-truth grew into a full concern over the last month. And to pile that atop her conflictions with Lirha? It was a lot for anyone to handle. Logically, Gyce understood she needed to not play a chess match so much this time with her doctor.
Taking one final calming breath, Gyce hit the chime on Dru's door, straightened her tactical vest, and then waited to enter.
Raking her fingers through her hair, Dru's eyes surveyed the leaning towers of PADDs on her desk as she tried to figure out which one to start next. The loss of a number of counsellors and heads of different faiths meant that her workload had quadrupled overnight. She was to have a new crew member assigned to help her but that wouldn't happen until the games were over. Until then...Dru had to struggle through on her own.
As the echo of the chime rang in her ears, Dru found herself grateful of the interruption. Although it was probably someone looking for counselling, at least it would be a break from reading files. "Enter."
"I have an appointment," Gyce announced a bit nervously as she entered the room, "Lieutenant Benice. Posting I'm not here for a job-related task."
Dru recognised the officer from the party on the Klingon ship, Gyce if she remembered correctly. Moving to her feet, the counsellor offered a smile before indicating to the nearby seats, "If it's not work related then what can I help you with today?"
"My initial visit with the last counselor left her with concerns," Gyce began as she limped her way to the nearest chair and sat down. "Doctor Mott took me off an NSAID I have been using to sleep through pain at night, to prevent organ damage, and she wanted a follow-up on how I was coping mentally and emotionally with such change."
Dru observed the woman's walk having not seen it before, but held back comment. She figured that once she had opportunity to read Gyce's file that it would shed more light on the situation. "And how are you coping?"
"Some nights are harder than others," Gyce admitted after a brief pause to ponder the question. "...I've seen many become addicted to prescription drugs. So it's always been something I've tried to remain hyper aware of. Because if I ask for an opiate on those really terrible nights, I'm not entirely sure if I'd be able to stop at short-term relief."
"What do you feel is causing the nights to seem hard? Is it the pain or the lack of your pain killers?" Pulling her legs up under her, Dru settled into her own chair as she watched the other woman.
"Mott seems to think part of the problem is that I overexercise my leg," Gyce admitted with difficulty. "...I suppose I do too much because deep down, I'm constantly pushing myself to make others believe I'm as capable as the next person in my field."
"Have you experienced people who have made you believe that you're not as capable as the next person in your field or is this just a worry you have?" Dru shifted slightly in her chair as she smiled gently to show her question was genuine.
"I had to fight just to get into the Academy," Gyce admitted after she took several minutes to ponder the question. "...I guess I'm afraid that if I lessen my physical activity, I might prove them right."
It didn't escape the counsellor's notice that the woman didn't answer her question and instead tried to maneuver around it. "Surely it is only yourself you need to prove anything to, why do you fear other's opinions of you when they have no say in what you do? Has your superior given you any indication that if you show any weakness they won't want you on their team?"
"It is the requirements of the job," Gyce reminded the counselor. "I fear the day will come, especially with age, that I am told I cannot work in the field anymore."
"That is an inevitable end for everybody though. Weather it be through injury or through age; at some point in everybody's career they are told that they can't do their job anymore. Have you given any consideration to that?" Dru prompted the other woman.
"I guess I never thought of it like that," Gyce admitted and felt very silly and sheepish for thinking the way she did. "It's just, I sometimes catch people staring and I've learned a long time ago to brush it off, outwardly. But sometimes it does bug me."
Smiling sympathetically, Dru was beginning to understand the woman a little better. She seemed to linger on the negative instead of looking for the positive. When one negative was pushed back, another slipped in to take it's place. "I think it's a humanoid reaction to stare when they aren't used to something. In your case, it's unusual to encounter a person to whom today's medicine hasn't helped to completely repair their injuries. People find it difficult to understand what they don't know."
"I suppose I could enlighten people about my condition," Gyce surmised. "It's not a story I like telling all that often though."
Dru finally felt like they were getting somewhere and had to admit it felt good to have finally managed to partly crack a patient. "Talking about it with a wider audience might help you feel easier with all that happened in the past."
"I don't think the sins in my past are meant to make me feel at ease with them," Gyce countered fairly stubbornly. "Yeah... I killed maybe a hundred in various bombs I fashioned to fight off the Cardassians, but a lot of those dead were kids just blindly following orders... And innocent bystanders that happened to be in the wrong place."
"Then what was your reasoning behind saying that perhaps telling them about your condition would help enlighten the people around you?" Dry kept her voice even and her body relaxed.
"It's a logical conclusion," Gyce shrugged. "But it's not something I like telling, much less think on very much... Because I hate the things I did."
"You need to weigh up which you hate more; the way in which people view you or the things in your past. Do you wish to linger in the past or more forward to the future?" Dry replied.
"I don't linger in the past," Gyce corrected with annoyance. "I just don't like talking about it. No Bajoran my age does."
"But your talking about not wishing to tell your colleagues about your past because you don't like to remember it. To deal with an issue in your present you need to deal with an issue in your past and weight up which one matters the most." Dru replied.
"You..." Gyce went to bite back but paused just as rapidly.
She thought the personal perception people saw of her was the most important. Now? She did not know. This was why she hated psychologists. They twisted your head and made you thinks things you did not want to.
Voodoo doctors of the mind. Cheap card trick of magicians who already rigged the deck. And very effective too. It was the leg that bothered her. Not the perceptions it brought, but what happened to it. And it made her eyes water in frustration when she pondered down that black hole.
Gyce did the only thing she could do in that moment. Shutdown and compartmentalize. How do you talk about something that happened to you, when you know no government supports the claim.
"I can't tell people what happened to my leg without starting a galactic war," Gyce finally forced out angrily. "It was a bioweapon that paralyzed everyone in my resistance cell but me... Only the Cardassian Union calls kosst knows what, and threatens war for my telling such lies on any document."
"Then why did you entertain the idea of enlightening people to your condition?" Dru didn't move as she brought the conversation back around to Gyce's own words.
"Because it is the logical action to take to get people to stop staring," Gyce answered with a sigh of annoyance. "I think I'd rather cope with the stares than let you pick my brain apart, the more I think about it."
Dru smiled at this before shrugging her shoulders, "I'm only here to listen and encourage. You spoke to me about a situation in your life that you found uncomfortable and I mearly allowed you to think out loud and try to find some possible solutions. The words you spoke are all yours alone."
Gyce gave a dubious frown before she shrugged, "Until the day Cardassians admit they dropped a bioweapon on Bajoran people, I'll never feel right telling the story... and I'll never have closure. Not fully."
"That can be fully respected but in the meantime, how do you propose tackling your current situation where you feel people judge you and you need to prove a point?" Dru redirected the conversation away from what couldn't be fixed to what could be fixed.
"Kosst if I know," Gyce shrugged aside, for she honestly had no clue.
"Well it seems like something you will need to give more thought to because, as you've already indicated, it is personally effecting you aswell as those around you." Dru sat back into her chair as she kept the eye contact with Gyce.
"What do you think I should do?" Gyce asked after the Bajoran became frustrated with drawing blanks.
Dru didn't shrug her shoulders but did lean forward a little in her chair as she entwined her fingers on her lap. "I'd suggest more sessions firstly because as long as you keep a secret from the people around you they are always going to be weary. But in the meantime you need to start trying to build bridges. Stop distancing yourself and make the effort to get to know people and spend time with them outside of work."
"I do get to know people... just not often," Gyce corrected. "Command Stace and Doctor Idris are both on friendly terms with me."
"Both neither are people with whom you work with and so see every single day?" Dru replied.
"I have relationships outside of work, from time to time," Gyce corrected fairly evasively. She did not want to out her relationship, or whatever it was she had with Lirha. "It's just I work on cold cases too, in my off hours."
"Would you not think priority falls on getting to know the people you work with and allowing them to get to know you during your downtime?" Dru replied.
"My work, just like yours, is to know people. The figure out why they do what they do," Gyce informed rather hotly, for she was becoming annoyed. "I do the same thing you do... I profile people for a living. Only my job isn't necessarily geared for rehabilitation." In fact, it was geared for deduction and profiling.
Dru overlooked the annoyance as at times it seemed to come hand in hand with her patients, especially when she pushed them in areas they usually weren't willing to go. "But it's a different scenario when you allow people to get to know you. It's also a different level when you get to know people based on informal talking; talking to them on the same level rather than profiling them."
"You make it sound as if one little annoyance is the end of the world for me... which it isn't," Gyce pointed out rather mildly. "I've lived with peoples stares since I was bound to this cane. And forcing me to be someone I'm not isn't going to change human nature in that department."
Leaning forward in her chair, Dru clasped her hands between her legs for a moment as she studied Gyce, carefully choosing her words. "Each session that I have with an individual is lead by the individual themselves. We started with the pain you experience and how it might be intensified by you pushing yourself. You stated yourself that you push yourself harder as you don't wish to be seen by your peers and superiors as being...weaker in a sense because of your disability. We then went on to discuss how you feel this way and feel this need. People's stares are part of the issue, they seem to influence how you approach your job and in turn approach your own physical and mental states. You say that people, like me are forcing you to be someone your not, but it seems to me that your forcing yourself to be a person to satisfy others...not satisfy yourself. The end result is you pushing your limits and boundaries and intensifying the pain which you feel. What have you got to gain in yourself from all of this?"
A headache. For that was what Gyce was feeling that very moment as she gingerly rubbed her temples. The question itself was a trap. Refusing help told the counselor she was in denial of whatever stupid mental or social illness Gyce believe Dru was going to stick her with.
Accepting her counterpart's help also meant that Gyce believed Dru's theory... which she did not share at all. Gyce was social with people and had someone, albeit a lover. This was the chief counselor though and she was not all that confident that Dru could keep her mouth shut on that issue. A liaison with a flag officer was severely frowned upon, after all.
"You are basing your hypothesis on a theory that I am always thinking about the stares," Gyce asserted. "I don't. It bothers me for a few seconds, and I move on. It's not a big deal by any means."
"But it becomes a big deal when the resulting effects cause question upon your abilities to cope. Your long term use of painkillers, prior to Doctor Mott's new regime for you, is inductive of the fact that over time you pushed yourself and your body further than either your mind or leg were able to cope. Unless you can pull yourself back and learn when to be able to say No than I'd have concern whether your withdrawal will be successful." As she spoke frank to the woman, Dru watched Gyce closely for a reaction.
Gyce had to still herself not to take the bait. Once she took a few calming breaths, she responded with a nod, "I don't take those meds anymore. Doctor Mott felt the dosage and amount a day I take could begin to degrade my kidneys. He's got me doing physical rehab and even cut down my PT time to reduce inflammation in my leg."
Dru felt that it was unquestionable that the woman was in denial somewhere in her life weather it come down to how hard she pushed herself or how reliant she truly has been on the pain medication. Both caused knock on effects to a person's personal life, ones that they couldn't change unless they admitted to what was truly happening.
Sitting back in her chair, Dru leaned across to pick up a PADD by her side and being pulling up the woman's medical notes. She could see Mott's characteristic wording which reflected what Gyce had just said and the counsellor took a moment before looking back over at the woman. "In correlation with the treatment you are receiving from Doctor Mott, I would like to continue to see you on an ongoing basis. Although your meds were non addictive, there's changes in your life style, as you mentioned, which are being done to counteract the life limiting effects your disability brings with it. I want to keep an eye on this, work with you to try to ensure as smooth a transition as possible."
For Prophets' sake, Gyce thought before she begrudgingly shook her head. "No more than once a week though. I have a department I need to manage."
Dru nodded her head in agreement before making a quick notation on the PADD and placing it back to one side. "That should work. I will liaison with Doctor Mott and should any concerns arise we may increase the frequency if felt needed."
"I can do that," Gyce agreed, for Mott was easy to manipulate. A good ham sandwich with a bit of sodium pentathol in his tea, and he was too easily susceptible to suggestion... That was assuming her pain became that severe.
[Off]
Lieutenant JG Drucilla McCarthy
Chief Counselor
USS Gallileo
Lieutenant JG Benice Gyce
Chief of Security/Tactical
USS Galileo
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