In a Kingdom by the Sea

Posted on 04 Feb 2014 @ 10:23pm by Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson & Lieutenant Teth Miir

3,061 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: Okinawa, Japan, Earth
Timeline: MD 22 - 1600 hrs

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Teth sat on a wooden chair near the shoreline. He thought that since he would soon me stuck in close quarters in space for who knows how long, he should hold as many of his counseling sessions outdoors as possible. The weather was humid on the Island of Okinawa and the beach was quite crowded, but still scenic with it's crystal blue waters.

"Hi, again," Ellsworth said with a smile. "Thanks for meetin' me on short notice, counselor. I know it hasn't been that long since I've seen you but..." He paused, ran a hand through his hair and then immediately regretted it - the heat and humidity were already making him sweat. "I guess I just kinda needed somebody to talk to, an' I don't know anybody here well enough, y'know?"

"Certainly." the counselor said, motioning him to the empty chair next to his own. There was a small table between them, where Teth had placed a fruity drink with a tiny umbrella sticking out of it.

"Thank you for meeting me here, I hope you didn't have too much trouble finding it. Now what did you wish to talk about?"

Ellsworth sank down into the chair and looked out at the ocean; a few thousand kilometers to the south was another beautiful Island facing the same ocean. He didn't remember it being so humid, though.

"Do you know what love feels like?" he asked, shifting in the chair to await the response.

"Well, yes. I suppose so. Why do you ask?"

It occurred to Ellsworth in that moment that this was really a conversation one would have with a friend as opposed to a Starfleet counselor. "Well. I met someone a few days ago... Last time I saw you I was having this whole crisis about how I slept with this guy and blah, blah, blah... This guy felt different. In a good way, I mean. We went to this island called Nusa Lembongan, and it was just perfect! He's a touch telepath, and we had this...experience. I just don't understand what I'm feeling. Or maybe I don't know if I can trust how I'm feeling."

"How much time have you spent together?"

"Um, only a few days and one night?" he said, realizing as he spoke it how very little time it seemed to be.

"And you are wondering if you are in love with him, or...?"

Ellsworth sat quietly and thoughtfully for a few moments. Is that what he was wondering? Did love materialize over night like that? It seemed unlikely. He hardly knew anything about K'os at all...and, yet, at the same time he seemingly knew everything. The initial telepathic bond they shared had been unstable and difficult to control; it had turned into a free-flow of memories, thoughts and feelings as if the barrier between their minds was completely permeable.

Already some of those memories, thoughts and feelings were fading, but he still felt like he knew an unnatural amount about the half-Vulcan engineer. And, likewise, K'os knew about him, too. Ellsworth smiled, reflecting on that as he realized for the first time K'os had seemed completely unfazed by the way Ellsworth's life had unfolded.

"I know it probably seems premature. This touch telepathy thing... I don't know how to describe it. It's like...a meeting of the minds. It's invasive. It's all-encompassing. You can learn so much about a person in such a short amount of time," Ellsworth said. He sighed, growing frustrated with himself and trying to explain his own feelings. "Yes, I'm wondering if I'm in love with him. But more importantly I'm wondering if I even know enough about my own feelings and the concept of love to say that I may love him. Or that I'm falling in love with him. Or I have feelings for him."

"Have you discussed with him how the two of you want the relationship to progress from this point?"

Ellsworth shook his head, looking truly clueless. "Nope. Is that what people do? I don't even know how to bring that up..."

"It is generally considered a good idea to know where all parties stand when forming any kind of new relationship. How would you describe love?"

He almost missed the counselor's question, too caught up in thinking about where a free spirit like K'os might "stand" on the issue of a relationship.

"How would I describe love?" he mimicked, looking as lost as he felt. "Uh, well... I guess it's a feeling of exhilaration and joy. You know, when you think about the other person, when you're with them. And not with them. I think it's like a fire... Like a fire inside of you. It burns hot. It's seeing a future with a person, a domestic commitment, being willing to share your life with that person. It makes you feel..." He paused, trying to reflect. Frustrated, he sighed and rolled his eyes like a teenager under interrogation. "I don't know, counselor. I think I can describe the love that I read about, but I don't know what it's like to experience it. The knowing and the feeling are difficult for us, for Betazoids; sometimes the one doesn't follow the other very well."

"So you are uncertain. Is it possible that you are feeling infatuation? An intense response to a new kind of romantic relationship dynamic?"

Teth had a way of sucking the romance out of any conversation regarding the topic. After only having failed endeavors himself, he too felt somewhat ill equipped to describe what love should feel like. He honestly had hoped his patient could shed some insight into his own mind.

Ellsworth seemed to teeter on the edge for a moment and then looked outright crestfallen. "Yeah... Maybe. See, the thing is, I don't know! I've never been infatuated with anyone before, and I've definitely never been in love. I guess it probably seems like infatuation. Are you s'posed to just wait around, stick it out, see what happens? If it goes away, it's infatuation, and, if it sticks around, it's love?"

"Well, are you two having fun? Do you have anything to lose by continuing things the way they are? I can't tell you if you are in love or what it should even feel like. But I am a firm believer that sometimes you have to take a chance and give things time."

Ellsworth nodded, admitting to both himself and the counselor that so far they'd been having nothing but fun. "'Take a chance and give things time.' Okay, I think I can do that. I guess it's a better alternative than sitting around wonderin' about the possibilities."

"And of course, you can always ask him where he would like the relationship to go if you're really curious. It's important to communicate."

Ellsworth knew the easiest way to communicate with K'os was just to touch his hand and hold on, but the thought of it made him nervous. He'd never dealt with rejection before because he'd never been in a position to be rejected...except, of course, by his parents. His foster parents. His second, third, fourth, and fifth sets of foster parents. The whole planet of Betazed...

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"You respect his wishes and find a way to cope with your disappointment." Teth said flatly. This aspect of romance was definitely one with which he was familiar.

Ellsworth pulled his head back as it Teth had taken a swipe at him. He stammered, "Uh... That sounds a little...Vulcan-ish. Are you okay, counselor?"

"I'm fine." Teth said, cringing inwardly, "Vulcan-ish or not, you can't make a person love you."

Ellsworth placed his hands in his lap and looked down at them. A bead of sweat rolled off his forehead from the humid Japanese island climate. He pondered on what experiences the lieutenant had endured. Who counseled the counselor?

"You're right, and I would never want to do that to him." He fell silent for a moment again. "So... I think. I think I'd like to spend a little more time with him, and then talk about it. I'm not all that shy, I guess. There's nothing wrong with talking it out. I can do it." He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than review the way forward with Teth. "And then we'll go from there. Openness and honesty."

The caitian nodded in agreement. "Only time will tell."

Ellsworth nodded but remain silent. He'd always felt the counselor-patient relationship was an inherently selfish one. You came to dump all your problems in someone else's lap, and they had to care. They were contractually obligated to give a damn about whatever petty nonsense you might have going on in your life. He always admired his brethren who chose a counseling career, as so many Betazoids invariably did. It wasn't something he was likely to do at any time.

But he did inadvertently sense a feeling of loneliness from the counselor, and he suddenly felt very ashamed for his own minor problems. Oh my goodness, so I met this amazing guy - I mean, he's so tall and strong and handsome and hunky and brilliant and sweet and loving. We, like, went to the beach together. We surfed and horsed around and then we had the most mind-blowing sex all night long. In the morning, he carried me to the restaurant, and we had breakfast in bed. It was sooo romantic. But I totally don't know if I love him or not.

Counselor or no, that level of prattling on was likely to drive a lonely person to the brink.

"Counselor, do you have a counselor?" Ellsworth asked, partially out of curiosity and partially out of concern.

Teth blinked.

"Well, I suppose I'll talk to Dr. Carlisle now if anything comes up. Why do you ask?"

Ellsworth shrugged. "I was just thinking... What if you're lonely? And I'm just sitting here talking about what you might think is a silly, adolescent thing... You have to listen, irrespective of your own feelings and troubles. I mean, I know it's your job and everything." He paused to reflect. "I guess I was just wondering if you also had someone to talk to."

"Perhaps not in a capacity I would prefer, but there is always someone to talk to." Teth admitted. Though he personally knew the intricate minutiae of all of his crew-mates lives, he had very few actual friends to speak of.He caught himself becoming transparent to the Betazoid and stopped, forcing himself on Hudson's concerns.

"But as you said, this is my job. I am here because I *want* to be and because I *want* to help my patients. There is nothing *adolescent* about the dilemma you are facing. Quite the opposite, really. And it is quite understandable that you are feeling confusion or apprehension right now. This is a relationship dynamic that you are obviously unaccustomed to."

For the first time since arriving on the beach, Ellsworth relaxed. The counselor's openness and honesty had put him much more at ease about his situation. He didn't feel so much like a child struggling with a crush; he was a man facing a very real emotional challenge. "It's a commitment that I admire, counselor. I know many of my kind choose your line of work... It doesn't seem like it's for everyone." He turned and smiled, making to stand up. "Thank you for agreeing to see me, I really appreciate it."

"I am always available if you need to talk, Ellsworth." the counselor offered warmly, "How much time have you spent with other Betazoids?"

He felt his heart leap into his throat, cutting off his ability to speak. He felt they were moving dangerously close to topics that made him very uncomfortable. After some controlled breathing and focus, he finally managed to croak out an answer. "I would say little to none. I don't intentionally seek them out. I'm not...you could say, I'm something of a pariah. I'm not very good with my telepathy or empathy. I don't have a strong lineage. It's just, difficult, dealing with other Betazoids. Which isn't to say I don't like 'em; we're a perfectly lovely people."

Teth noticed the sudden tension in his patient who was beginning to relax just moments before. He had obviously stumbled upon a sensitive topic.

"You say you aren't very good with your telepathy and empathy. Are they impaired in some way or do you have difficulty controlling them?"

Ellsworth shook his head. "Not impaired, I just don't know what I'm doing. Most Betazoids get extensive training during adolescence to help refine and control their abilities. Unfortunately, I was being passed around the foster system at the time so I didn't exactly get the benefit of formal training. A little here and there, but that's it. So mostly I've just learned to try to ignore them or embrace them, depending on what it is I'm feeling. I'm a big time amateur with it. It takes a lot of effort to speak telepathically. I know some Betazoids try to use discipline to control our emotions, like Vulcans, but I don't know how to do that. So I'm on all the time. Sometimes it kinda sucks, you know, to always feel so much."

"That sounds exhausting. So how do you deal with the emotional shifts when they happen?"

"It can be exhausting... I just ride them out, usually. I've gotten better with dealing with bad stuff and anxiety. Good stuff isn't so bad." He grinned, thinking about his time with K'os. "Really I guess I either suppress it or process it. I guess the former probably isn't so good. I think maybe it's like a cup. Once I'm full of emotion or telepathy or empathy then the surplus just spills over and flows on."

Teth stared out at the sea as Ellsworth spoke, the waves were calm but occasionally an especially massive and powerful one would crash against the shore. The violent of an ocean teeming with life somehow seemed appropriate as a backdrop for a discussion on uncontrollable emotions.

"You mentioned earlier that you shared some kind of telepathic bond with the man you've been seeing the past few days. Can you elaborate on that a bit?"

Although it was difficult to tell with the color of his eyes, they went unfocused as his mind drifted to the feeling of the experience. Without realizing it, he began to smile.

"If there was any control, it was K'os," he said, voice low and breathy. "I couldn't stop it, but I wasn't going to let go. I think if I was a 'real' Betazoid I couldn't have done it... But I'm so used to letting things go around me. It's like being a rock in an emotional hurricane, you just stand your ground and this torrent roars around you." He shook his head to clear his thoughts and bring himself more firmly into the present. "Anyway, it was like the first time I'd ever felt like I knew someone. I could feel him around me - above me, below me, on either side...in me. Everything we were feeling, everything we'd ever felt, everything we would ever feel. But it was so hard to process everything... I experienced everything in that first moment, and I think I could spend a lifetime trying to understand it.

"I think we got better at it. Or something, I dunno. Every time since then has been better. More intimate and controlled, not this raging cascade like the first time. I know it makes him feel tired, but I never want to let go."

He blushed and hung his head, looking embarrassed from the selfishness of it.

"What species is K'os?"

"Half-Vulcan, half-human," Ellsworth said, smiling as he called to mind the different attributes that hinted at his heritage: slightly pointed ears, rounded eyebrows, muscular frame, soulful eyes and bright laugh.

"Has he had training to control his telepathic abilities?"

Ellsworth looked left, searching his memories. Or were they K'os's memories? Sometimes it was hard to tell; the look or smell of something could conjure up an image that wasn't from his own life. "I don't...remember.... I don't think so. I mean, not like Vulcans who grow up on Vulcan. Or, any full-blood Vulcan. He has more control than me, though. Someone must have taught him." Ellsworth finally looked up and shrugged. "I dunno, really."

"It might be something to look into. It's possible that he is feeling just as confused by the whole telepathic bond part as you are. Really though, talk to him about that. Your emotions are likely especially heightened because you had such a strong and overwhelming encounter with him."

Ellsworth seemed uneasy, partially a reflection of his own thoughts about broaching the subject and partly from the sense of apprehension he felt as a sort of emotional echo from their bond. He thought the whole issue of discipline and control was a sore spot for K'os; bringing it up might not be a good idea until they'd discussed their relationship first. "I'm sure he is as confused by it as I am, but I don't think he dwells on things as much as I do. Or not even a fraction as much as I do." Thinking of that aspect of K'os's personality made Ellsworth smile. "Which is good." His head turned to the side, remembering what Teth had said. "And yes, I think the strength and nature of the encounter has a lot to do with my emotions... I guess we have a lot to discuss."

"I would say so." Teth said, staring vacantly at the ocean. He wondered how his patient's relationship would play out. Would it last a week? Forever? It was impossible to tell, regardless he was certain he would get to hear all about it.

Ellsworth turned to look at the ocean, too, watching the waves crash into the shore. Without realizing it, he'd been reading the counselor's own feelings and quietly whispered a reply to himself, "I hope it lasts..."

[OFF]

PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo

&

Lt. JG Teth Miir
Counselor
USS Galileo

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