Confessions

Posted on 14 Jan 2014 @ 5:47pm by Senior Chief Petty Officer Keval zh'Erinov & Lieutenant Teth Miir

2,426 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: Dusseldorf, Germany, Earth Timeline:
Timeline: MD 16 1630

Shore leave. Its a time you're supposed to be able to relax, regroup, recover, revive. That's the way it had started out. First the circus expedition, then his return to San Francisco, his home, his real home when he wasn't in space.

It wasn't that much to look at. Just a small 550 foot studio, but it was his. All his and the other units in the restored neo-Victorian as well. He was well off. A lot better off than most Chief Petty Officers. Then again he was better off than most admirals too.

But then everything had been spoiled by that universe damned Betazoid. He hadn't been expecting a proposal he had after all met him at a bar before one thing led to another.

Ellsworth, that was the bastard's name, had promised to stay the night, he hadn't. He had the stones just to walk away, leaving the buttons Keval had torn from the other man's shirt placed in a little heart shaped design as if to mock his host.

Keval had brought Ellsworth back to his place, something he rarely did. He had given himself to Betazoid, well technically they had switched roles, but the point was that Keval was rarely the submissive one, the bottom. In fact before Ellsworth he'd only done it with men he was in a relationship with. it had just seemed like the thing to do at the time. The right thing. Just like he who torrid little escapade seemed like the right thing at the time. It sure didn't now.

Yeah it was stupid he shouldn't have set his expectations high, but he was a romantic at heart not a man who engaged in sordid little one night stand.

It wasn't guilt that he felt. He was a consenting adult. it was more like remorse, regret.

He walked towards the square he'd been instructed to go to. He figure he would be pretty easy to spot there weren't too many Andorians around and fewer still missing one antennae. He was confident the good doctor would find him when the time was right.

Teth could get used to doing most of his counseling sessions outdoors. He had always been fond of nature. And the weather on this particular day made him question his decision to request transfer to a starship and not back to Starfleet Medical. He could have all of his sessions in the park and sleep in his own bed every night.

He was expecting another crew member from the Galileo, he couldn't tell which was more troubled, the veteran crew or the new officers and crewmen arriving aboard.

As he made his way to the square with it's red maple trees and marble statues, he spotted an outsider among the terrans and caitians strolling through the park. An Andorian male fitting the description of CPO Graysan. Teth managed to get his attention and wave him over to the picnic area he had been visiting quite frequently.

"Petty Officer Keval Graysan, I presume? I'm counselor Miir, it's nice to meet you." he had a seat and invited his patient to do the same.

"So what brings you here today?"


Keval let out a small breath as he sat. "Thank you Counselor. I guess first I should say welcome to the Galileo. I hope you like her. You'll probably find us quite interesting test subjects.

I guess there are a couple of reasons I've come." He pointed to the half stub that was one of his antennae and said,"Our last mission on the Galileo we ran into the Borg and it almost destroyed us. We were taking damage, I tried to help a young child and got pinned under some falling debris. I've had a few nightmares about that. Like it was happening to me again.

But that's not the main issue. The main issue is something that happened to be the other night. Something, someone, I can't get out of my mind. I went to the Midnight Sun, because they have a great jazz band and its just around the corner from my home. And I ran into this Betazoid there."

Teth settled in his seat and crossed his legs, he was getting the impression that he would have to pull the rest of the story out of the Andorian.

"So what happened with this Betazoid?"

Both of his antenna curled forward in unison, "What didn't happen with the Betazoid might be a better question. I was just sitting there minding my own business when he came in. He was very attractive, but at first I didn't really pay much attention to him.

And then we danced, settled down in a booth and then his had was on my thigh. Then it moved to...elsewhere."

"So you had sexual relations with him?" Teth didn't really want the erotic retelling of events. "How did that encounter transpire?

"Well not in the bar we didn't no. But when a man puts his hands, where he put his, well it does lead to the whole sexual relations thing, at least if you're gay.

Anyway we went back to my place and yes had sexual relations. He is or was a... a professional. I mean he had been on Risa. But it was different. He wanted someone strong, forceful and that was fun. For both of us.

But he had been used, he told me so and I wanted to make him feel special, not used, like someone cared about him. So I let him... take control.You know, I was the bottom, the catcher, However you want to say it.

That's not the role I generally take. But I did it because it seemed like the right thing. And now I'm the on that's feeling like he used me. Not because I let him have his way with me,but because he didn't seem to care. He didn't even stay the night. He just vanished."

The caitian swallowed hard. His expression fell blank and he knew exactly who Keval was talking about.

"So do you know where this Betazoid is now?" he asked, carefully.

The counselor could already see the catastrophe ahead when Keval and Ellsworth would inevitably come face to face. It was like watching a horrific accident and being unable to stop it in time.

"No, I just know he's a junior petty officer. We joked about him working underneath me. I just know his name and rank though. Don't even know what ship he's going to be on.

But you know what he had the balls to do. When we first got there, I kind of tore his shirt off. Buttons went everywhere. He arranged the buttons in a little heart. Like that was freaking going to make a difference.'"

"Maybe he just was trying to be grateful? He sounds like a very troubled individual, perhaps he just has problems with expressing himself?"

Teth was feeling a little too apologetic for Ellsworth. In spite of how badly he handled the situation, he knew the Betazoid at least cared enough to show appreciation. He certainly didn't seem to want to harm Keval.


"I..I never thought about it that way. I saw it as more of a you know taunt. I mean he sure didn't seem incapable of expressing himself when we were fu.. having sexual relations."


Miir smirked at Keval's candid nature. He wondered if it was just because he was a counselor, or if he was always so casual with officers.

"Well, maybe not incapability so much as just being... emotionally stunted. You alluded to him having gone through some kind of sexual trauma? In cases like that, it is not uncommon for the individual to be promiscuous, often to the point where they can't gauge the damage they may be causing others. It's a way of reasserting control."

"That's the whole problem. I mean he told me that his customers had, I don't know belittled him used him like I said and that I wasn't like that. I wasn't buying his services, I wanted him to enjoy himself too. He even told me that he appreciated that.

It was a one time thing, a fling. I should have known that. Picking up a strange guy at a bar, taking him home with you doesn't set you up with a wedding planner the next day, but I would have at least like to have him wake up beside me Is that too much to ask?"

'Evidently' was all that the counselor could think. He had very little experience with one night stands and the impacts of inter-species mating habits were never entirely clear to him. He also knew that Ellsworth left in shame over his actions.

"It seems he just acted recklessly. How did you feel when you woke up and he was gone? You mentioned the heart made of buttons?"

"Well I know you're going to think his is weird, but I felt, I don't know how to describe it. Used, betrayed. That's not weird I suppose, but the weird thing is I thought there might have been something there. You know something more thanks for letting me stick my manhood in your bum. You know something real."

"Maybe you'll run into each other again." Teth said dryly, "What would you say to him if he were here now?"

"I have no idea, probably nothing nice, But I can't say for sure. I don't even know if I would try to hug him or punch him. But I don't think you need to worry about that. I'm sure he's long gone. Probably already out in space some place."

"Undoubtedly."

The caitian was silent for a moment as he ruminated over what might soon transpire. Hugs and tears? A fist fight? Maybe just a good old fashioned stabbing? Andorians definitely had a tendency toward impassioned behavior.

"It is quite understandable that you are feeling mislead and used right now. But perhaps this could be an important event to learn from?"

Maybe if he could somehow convince Keval to forgive Ellsworth before he realized that they were stationed on the same ship, there would be significantly less damage, emotionally as well as physically.

And just what the hell am I supposed to learn from this?"

"To be more careful. I can tell you value intimacy in the context of a relationship. It sounds like there were warning signs that this crewman didn't hold those same values. If two people are sexually incompatible, it typically ends badly for both parties. There is nothing to say that he was acting maliciously."

For the first time since the conversation Keval allowed himself a small smile. "Oh I would say that we were anything but sexually incompatible. We were about as sexually compatible as anyone I've ever been with. But yes I do see where you're going with this."

"Well, there is considerably more to sex than just the physical act, but your point is taken. You can't undo the past, but you can try to prevent repeating mistakes in the future."


"You're exactly right counselor on both counts. There is more to sex than just the physical act, which is the problem. I thought there was something more to what we did than just the physical act. And I thought I had pretty good instincts. I mean I used to run a corporation before I thought I was a good judge of character. Just how do I prevent something like that from happening in the future, move to Zeta 4 and become a monk?"

"There is no way anyone can fully protect themselves, but there are safety measures. I really don't know enough about you or your specific preferences to give you any definitive answer. But I would wager that you are generally not going to find men who want a committed relationship trolling bars and night clubs."

Keval sat up a little straighter, turning a slightly darker shade of blue. "I... WAS... NOT... TOLLING" he said, his voice dropping in volume rather than yelling but it word was spoken carefully. coldly.

Miir shook his head, "No no, you misunderstand. I meant that he was trolling, you just happened to take the bait."

"i'm sorry counselor, you're right. I did misunderstand, and I guess you're not too far off the mark. Bars are probably not the best place to look for husband material. You said earlier that you would need to know more about my preferences. What exactly would you need to know?"

"I suppose it isn't even all that relevant. There are some decisions we have to make for ourselves. But if you are actively trying to find a committed relationship, you should probably try meeting someone through a mutual interest. What do you like doing? Whatever it is, there is likely someone else out there who enjoys the same thing or topic who also would like you. And you also need to be in a place where you can take care of yourself first. Do you think it's possible that you went along with the Betazoid fellow against your better judgement because you were lacking something? Affection or attention or just physical gratification?"


Almost without hesitation Keval answered him, If I wanted physical gratification I could go to the holodeck. Or anyone of half a dozen members of the Galileo crew members, including my roommate. I want something none of them can give me. I want a relationship. Foolish thing to look for in a bar, I know."

"And all you can do about it at this point is not repeat your same mistake. Who knows, we have a lot of new crewmembers coming aboard. Get to know people, socialize. Take things slowly."

"I suppose I could give that a shot. Any other suggestions before I leave?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself and try to be a bit more forgiving of others." Teth said as he pushed himself from the park table, "Everyone makes mistakes, I'm sure even your friend from the bar is feeling regret over the whole affair."

"I would hope he would, but you're right we've all made mistakes in the past, i guess maybe I wouldn't kill him if I found him. At least not right away."

"Well, that at least is important."

END:

A JP by

Chief Petty Officer Keval Grayon
Operations
USS Galileo

&

Lt. JG Teth Miir
Counselor
USS Galileo

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