Falling looks different with eyes open

Posted on 06 Jul 2013 @ 3:16am by Lieutenant Theron Rhodes & Commander Scarlet Blake

3,030 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD 09 0830

ON:

Theron awoke in a cold sweat. This was not like him at all. The Tandaran arose and splashed water on his face to hopefully clear his thoughts, but many thoughts were now filling his mind. And doubt being one of them, he knew he could not continue like this.

Rhodes walked over to his desk, only wearing his tight fitting briefs with which he had slept, and activated the comm, =^= Lt. Rhodes to Blake =^=.

Scarlet glanced upward on instinct at hearing the unexpected call from where she was sorting out some extra work in her office. She straightened up from where she'd been shifting a pile of padds mixed with paper notebooks. =^= Blake here, Rhodes, what can I do for you? =^=

Theron hesitated, but shook his head and continued, =^=I believe it would be a good idea for me to speak to someone today. Are you available? =^=

Scarlet arched an eyebrow at the words, safe in the privacy of her office. =^= Come over to my office, I'll get you a coffee brewing. =^= She assured with a small smile, already moving to get the real coffee on the brew, figuring it could be useful considering the early time.

---

After a quick shower and clean uniform Theron was already feeling better. But, he knew he had to continue with the appointment he had set with the counselor. He understood the necessity of regular medical check-ups, as well as mental health check-ups. But this, this was to be him confiding in someone else about his inadequacies, that could get him removed as department head. Stopping outside the Counselor's door, he checked his uniform one more time and then pressed the button next to the door.

Scarlet moved to open the door herself, giving him a small smile and a gentle nod. "It's good to see you. And just in time too, the coffee's ready," she motioned him to follow her to the sofa, pouring it out. "This is an early appointment..."

Theron's eye brows raised on their own at the mention of coffee. He had grown up on Tandar Prime with many stimulating type drinks, but none with the flavor of coffee. At the Academy he found it quite enjoyable, so had been the company of a young human named Jillian, who had introduced him to it.

Rhodes became concerned by her comment of it being so early. Stepping through the threshold, the security chief replied turning to face her, "If this is a bad time, I can come back later."

"No, not at all," she assured with a smile, shifting to get comfortable. "I suppose it was more my way of asking what it was I could do for you," she admitted, sliding the cup on the table towards him before sitting back in her chair to sip her own.

Theron sat down on the edge of a chair across from the Counselor. He reached down and picked up the small cup of coffee. He raised it to his lip, first smelling the vapor. He closed his eyes slightly, trying to put a memory with the scent. Opening his eyes, he took a sip. Looking at Scarlet he asked, "This is an interesting blend. A good body, but something different, I do not recognize."

Scarlet gave a smile at his knowledge and interest in coffee. It was a strange comfort, something so bitter, but so many people sought it out when they needed something to keep their head up and not just for the caffeine. "One of the beans were grown on the Silzion colony," she admitted, having been hooked on it from since she'd been given it in the Maquis cell.

Theron took another sip and slid further back into his chair, trying to relax. "Ah, the Silzion colony." Theron began thinking about the colony and the region and the word Maquis came to mind. He looked again at Lt. Blake. "So, you grew up there?" He hoped the question was not too leading. Being in security it was hard not to ask questions.

Scarlet shook her head, setting her cup down with a small, wry smile. "No. But I knew some people who did," she met his eyes, resting her arms on her lap. "I didn't get a chance to congratulate you on your promotion."

Theron nodded humbly, "Thank you. I very much appreciate the opportunity. Though, it has become very trying."

"It's a big change, suddenly being the one in charge. Especially right in the middle of a mission with crew members coming on and off the ship, and the circumstances of the change," Scarlet nodded with understanding; she didn't envy him. "How are you finding it trying?"

Theron was uncertain how to answer that specific question. He may have misspoke in generality, "The expected paperwork and scheduling is typical and expected." He took another sip of coffee, then resting is on his other hand in his lap, "Making the decisions for conflict among the department has been . . fair and not really a problem." He did not know how to get out the real reasons. He had been through numerous interrogation and procedural technique training. But he did not know how to explain his failings.

"So what ~is~ the problem?" Scarlet urged gently, leaning forward just a little to him, shaking her head gently. "This is confidential, Theron. It's just you and me. And trust me, I have no cause or desire to judge you. I've been an officer in the marines before I became a counselor here. I've seen another side of service too."

Theron began to unconsciously rub his right arm as if hair was standing up on end. "I . . well . . have been having some problems recently . ." He hesitated. He wanted to get the words out. He knew it would help, but wanted her to not mis-understand. "My anger for one has increased." Tension dropped in his shoulders just by saying the words, but then a chill went down his spine and he physically shivered for a moment.

Scarlet nodded seriously, watching him with understanding. And easy acceptance. In truth? She admired him for being honest enough to be able to admit that. A lot of people didn't like to. They saw it as a negative thing. "And has it coincided with your stress levels having been raised with the promotion?" she asked quietly. She hoped it didn't sound like a patronizing question to make him consider, but it was the obvious connection to check first. If his stress levels had gone up, his coping mechanisms might be strained, leading to increases of anger that usually would have been handled when he hadn't had so much such to deal with.

Theron looked down slightly in thought, then replied slowly, "Yes, I believe it may." He looked up at the counselor, "But I do not see how that would be effecting my . . " he stopped. He wasn't sure if he should mention seeing a person that wasn't there.

"Your what?" Scarlet urged gently, frowning softly as she watched him but only with regret for the man's obvious discomfort.

Theron cleared his throat, "Well, my vision. Last night I saw something in my quarters. All I saw was a humanoid shape, mostly dark, very little definition."

"What happened?" Scarlet asked softly, watching with a gentle frown of concern, studying his features.

"I reacted." Theron stated emphatically. "I pulled a blade from my wall display and through it at the image. It all happened in a split second."

"Have you ever seen anything like it before or since?" she asked, leaning forward to him in thought.

Theron looked down slightly with a serious look on his face as he thought, then said, "No. Nothing like this." He put his hands on the arms of the chairs and leaned way back looking at the ceiling, hoping to make sense of the anger and the vision.

Scarlet remained silent for a long moment, letting him just catch his breath and settle. "Did it seem - familiar?" she asked quietly. "I know you couldn't see much, but sometimes a presence can feel familiar without relying on sight."

He looked at her thoughtfully, thinking about the question. Nothing was coming to mind. Then a vague memory came to the forefront, "In some ways it reminded me of a time when I was a child . . " he looked away to the side, "when the power went out in the house, my brother and I were the only ones home that night. I think my older sister went upstairs. At one point I saw someone standing across the room from me. I thought it was my brother, Stephon. When I called to him, I heard his response from the other direction." He looked at the counselor, "I later found out that it was my own reflection from a mirror in the dark."

Scarlet nodded gently as she absorbed the words, tilting her head as she watched him, her eyes serious. "How had you been feeling that evening and night?"

It had only been the previous night, but he had to try to remember. The Tandaran raked his fingers back through his hair gently, leaving the fingers interlinked at the back of his head looking up. He took in a slow deep breath and said, "Yesterday was a very busy day with me taking part in two survey missions, dealing with Stark, . ." looking down at the counselor, "and of course the Memorial Service was last evening." Theron pursed his lips slightly realizing and then saying, "I guess that does not really answer your question." After another breath said, "I guess tired and angry would be the best description of how I felt."

"And what did you feel angry at? Specifically?" she asked quietly with a frown. The stress in him was obvious, and she leant forward to refill his cup, more as a gesture of companionship.

"I did not mean to be angry or get angry." Theron began then wiped his hand down his face, pinching his chin slightly. "In Lt. Orexil's case, my intent was to be distracting to her during phaser qualification." He leaned back feeling overwhelmed, "The next thing I knew, I was yelling at her to distract her more, then I hit her."

Scarlet held her breath for a moment, watching him calmly but intently, not looking away. "You lost control."

Looking down slightly Theron said softly, "I . . I . . " saying even softer, "knew what I was doing. It seemed that the violence was supposed to just be another type of distraction. At the time it did not seem out of place." Looking up at Scarlet, "I lost control."

Scarlet gave a slight nod to him, but also a small smile, of camaraderie. "It's hard to admit it," she acknowledged. "I think we all like to think we're in control all the time. But now you know that's what happened, we can try and figure out why. It sounds like you're suddenly under a lot more stress than you're used to, Theron. And it really has been sudden. You went from one state of stress levels to another within a matter of days, and there's been no reprieve yet either. I think anyone would find that difficult. Most people work up to that level of responsibility and stress over a longer period of time. Let alone with such a traumatic event for your department - a reminder of the mortality of security officers in a dangerous job - being the catalyst for it. What do you think? Do you think there's a possibility that it's affecting your temper? Or are there other things at work here too?"

Theron looked forward, directly at the counselor. He pursed his lips, then grimaced to the side, then bit the side of his lower lip. He was not sure what to say. What was the truth? he asked himself. Looking down slightly, he knew that he should be strong and confident, but if any place this would be the place to be honest with himself. He took in a deep breath and let it out and replied, "I am not sure." That was the truest statement he could make. "It is possible that I am subconsciously putting more pressure on myself as well."

Scarlet nodded softly as she took a deep breath. "I think you could be right," she said quietly. "But life and work has done its fair share of putting pressure on you too, Theron. It's alright to be stressed out by the sudden surge of responsibility you have. It's only natural. What you'll need to look at though are ways of finding coping mechanisms to help lower the stress in a healthy way. Many people develop it naturally and without even realizing as the work load gradually gets bigger, but of course in your case nothing has been gradual about the sudden change around."

The security officer sat quiet taking in the interpretation and suggestion, then asked, "So, what might you recommend for me to do to leave or . . . vent some stress?"

"Well, there's often two kinds of unwinding. Relaxing with something quiet, and venting energy through something physically exerting," Scarlet tilted her head as she watched him with a small smile. "I'm making an assumption that you're a physical kind of man," she admitted with a shake of her head. "Did I read in your file that you're an expert in a martial art? Was it TanKei?"

Yes," he replied slowly, "but I would not consider myself a 'Master' of the art." He then said modestly, "I am a master of the 3rd phase, which really means I have a sold grasp and can teach. A true Master of the 8th phase is what I wish to obtain one day." He paused a moment realizing he was babbling and added, "But, Yes, I am well versed in Tan-Kei."

"Have you been practicing recently?" she asked with a small smile at the way he spoke about it. "It could be an ideal way of unwinding for you. Vent some of that anger, but also focus the mind, calm it with the focus. A session of time that is just you and that, and nothing else. No work. No stress."

Theron thought for a moment and replied, "With all the workload, I have not done as much. I have exercised each day." He shook his head slightly to the negative, "but not as long, nor really focusing on my art. There really just has not been the time."

"Well, now you have to make time," Scarlet said firmly, holding his eyes. "You have to do something to get your anger balanced again. I think it will help. Just as much for your work as yourself"

Theron looked down in thought and then said, "All right. I guess I could try to schedule in more time." Looking up at the counselor, "Anything else?"

"I think you should check in with a counselor every week, until you get more used to your new position," Scarlet replied honestly, knowing it might not be welcome news. "Not for evaluation. But as a time and space to make sure you're getting the frustrations and anxieties off your chest at least once a week, so they don't bottle up and carry on forward across a month or a year. That's when tempers snap."

Theron felt a hesitation from her first comment, but he relaxed after she explained further. "I see." was Rhodes' simple reply. He looked about him to see if he had left something then said, "I guess I will go then and schedule something with you in . . 7 days or so."

Scarlet nodded with a small smile, watching him. "Know you're not alone, Theron. You've been thrown into the deepend, but you've got other people in there with you. If you need to come back and see me sooner, please do. Try and get some good sleep, that will help you cope with the rest of it. If you need a sedative to make sure you get a full night, call by Sickbay on your way."

Theron stood thinking, Sedative? Not on your life. He simply replied, "I understand and thank you." With a nod he walked toward the door, which opened for him. He stopped half way through the door, placing his left hand on the door frame. He looked back with a blank emotion on his face. In that moment he thought about the uncertainty of his position, how vulnerable the pressure had made him. He hoped that this . . this issue would not continue to affect his performance as Chief of Security.

He then realized that he had paused too long. He smiled shyly and said, "Thank you again."

Scarlet watched him, understanding as she smiled gently. She got up and walked to him, briefly touching his arm. "No need to thank me," she assured, squeezing his shoulder before slapping it lightly with camaraderie. "You're going to be a great chief."

Theron was first shocked that he had not flinched by her touch to his arm. Then again with the encouraging pat to his shoulder. Am I so distracted? He asked himself. Or am I desiring this kind of attention from others? He simply looked down into her deep blue eyes and felt . . . encouraged by her words. A slight smile with lips pressed came across his face, "I will endeavor to do my best."

"I completely believe that," she replied firmly, nodding with a warm smile. "It's in you. To work hard and do well. It's what you do. And that's why you'll succeed."

Rhodes turned and walked away from the Counselor's door and down the passage way. The time with her had been helpful. It was true that stress can affect even those with the best intentions. He would heed her recommendations, make sure to do those things for himself, and follow up with her in a 7th day.


OFF:


Lt. JG Theron Rhodes
Chief Security/Tactical Officer
USS Galileo

Lt. JG Scarlet Blake
Chief Counselor
USS Galileo

 

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