Re-evaluating

Posted on 18 Apr 2013 @ 11:52am by Commander Scarlet Blake & Lieutenant Aria Rice

1,368 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 3 - Counsellor's Office
Timeline: MD 06 - 10:00

ON:

Aria let out a breath as she rang the chime of Scarlet's office. She was out of her uniform, her hair hanging free...her makeup smudged slightly and wearing what looked like pyjama bottoms and a tee shirt as well as flat shoes. She practically felt deflated anyway. "Come on..." she whispered, frowning slightly.

Scarlet opened the door and looked out, watching Aria with surprise as she held her breath. "What's wrong?" she asked gently, taking her by the arm to guide her in.

Aria let out a breath as she stepped close, hugging her tightly as she closed her eyes. "Stone got dead...." she murmured against her. "And his dog too."

Scarlet let out a soft breath, wrapping her arms tightly around the slight young woman. She held her close, stroking her hair gently. "Come on, let's get some tea into you."

She nodded and frowned, taking a breath. "I'm not...I mean, I'm not...something's wrong with me. I'm not...devastated. I'm...angry. I am angry that I didn't see the animal before it attacked us. I am angry that...that Stone got killed."

"That's only natural," she assured quickly, wrapping her arm around her shoulders to lead her away to sit with her. "You know that, right?"

Aria sat down with her, frowning as she met her eyes for a long moment. "We hurt it pretty bad. It had a family too...and that upsets me..." she confessed, in a quiet whisper. "I am a horrid person, all I could think of was to get the animal back from us and...and hoping it would run away. I didn't even go to Stone...I just...I knew it was over for him, you know?"

Scarlet nodded, holding her eyes for a long moment before touching her cheek. "No guilt now, Aria. Go back to the start and tell me."

Aria took a breath, leaning into it. "We were on the planet. I had just cleared the area. I did the standard sweep, they didn't show up...I...we were close to its cubs. And it attacked the dog first and then...then just went for Stone. Pushed him....even in the gravity he flew through the air. And it jumped after him, so fast...so fast and it was on him and ripped his throat open..."

"Okay," Scarlet soothed with a calm voice at hearing Aria's words speed up. She stroked her arm firmly, keeping her grounded to the moment. "Animals protecting their young are dangerous. It sounded like it all happened too quickly for you to have done anything."

She frowned as she met Scarlet's eyes, searching them for a long moment. "I didn't go to him. I went to the wounded beast, not to Stone...I...I just..." she closed her eyes, moving her hand to cover her mouth, biting her lip hard.

Scarlet reached to touch her wrist, to try and urge it away. "Why?" she asked softly.

"Why? Most people would have gone to the fallen man, not the animal!" she met her eyes, searching them for a long moment. "I'm a terrible person."

"I meant - why did you do that?" she asked softly, shaking her head as she stroked her wrist.

Aria swallowed before taking a deeper breath, frowning. "I had been firing at it. I...needed to see if...if it was still a threat."

Scarlet nodded gently, leaning to her with a small smile. "Take a breath, think it through, carefully. Why did you do it."

Aria met her eyes before frowning, swallowing. "I knew Stone was going to die," she finally said. "I knew it the moment it ripped his throat out. And...the dead don't need me to hold their hand. The animal, that was a part of that planet...it was threatened and we wounded it. I...I had to put it down, Scarlet."

Scarlet searched her eyes before nodding, leaning forward to her. "I don't think that makes you a terrible person, Aria."

She wiped her eyes, taking a deeper breath. "I didn't like Stone. But I didn't want him to die either. I just...you know what suddenly mattered? The...the planet, those that were left. We mattered."

"I don't think you should think yourself terrible for that, Aria. It makes you pragmatic," Scarlet shook her head softly. "I - personally? I think it show's you've grown up. And grown into being an officer."

Aria met her eyes for a long moment, taking a deeper breath. "I...just...shit, Scarlet..." she looked down, frowning. "I was the Security officer. The only one left. I had to take control."

"Exactly," Scarlet said gently, holding her eyes. "And you can't worry about the dead then, you have to focus on what is still alive and needs fixing," she said quietly. "Don't get me wrong, some people would probably crucify me for saying that being that pragmatic made you an officer, but, well, when it happens, you have to focus, and that's what you did. It's what keeps people alive. The personal has to wait while the professional kicks in," she said quietly.

Aria watched her for a moment before taking a deeper breath, trying to get herself under control. "Yes...yes, I..." she ran a hand over her arm, holding her eyes. "I don't want to do this, Scarlet...I don't want to become that person...I want to be the carefree one..."

"You will be," Scarlet promised, smiling warmly as she touched her cheek. "That's a part of you, Aria, nothing will change that. But you will know when you have to switch gear to the professional when at work."

Aria leant into the touch, searching her face before smiling gently. "I needed to see you. I needed to...to talk to you. Because you're one of the few people I...can be honest with. And you will never judge me."

"Never," Scarlet promised firmly, holding her eyes before smiling to her. "And I wouldn't lie to you either."

She nodded and leant close, hugging Scarlet as she let out a breath. "So this doesn't make me a bad person?"

"No," Scarlet hugged her closely, rubbing her back with a small smile. "Not at all. Makes you a professional," she whispered.

Aria smiled weakly, closing her eyes as she let out a breath. "That is scary. I wonder what will happen now. I...suspect I will have to go back down there. And Theron will be the acting Chief. Again."

"You can't worry about what hasn't happened yet and what you can't change," Scarlet shook her head with a small smile, arching an eyebrow. "I promise you, it's just a waste of precious energy. Let me get you that tea? Please? It will do you good."

Aria nodded and pulled back, her eyes warmer as she curled up, taking a deeper breath. "Thank you..."

Scarlet nodded with a small smile, squeezing her knee before getting up. She poured the tea that had been brewing, putting plenty of sugar in it for her. She pressed it into her hands as she sat at her side, her hands covering Aria's for a long moment, making sure they weren't too cold. "It's surprising how the smallest things can make you feel human again."

Aria met her eyes, nodding as she took a deeper breath. "I'm okay. I'm not in shock," she said softly. She felt too warm to be in shock. "But I need to feel more human."

"It will help with that too," she whispered with a small smile. "It will settle, Aria. You'll see what we've been talking about is true when you calm down."

Aria smiled gently, nodding as she reached to touch her hand. "I know you are right. Just...a bit hard to see it right now."

"That's okay," Scarlet squeezed her hand, smiling warmly to her. "There's no rush, Aria. In your own time."

Aria let out a breath and nodded, her eyes gentle as she watched her. "In my own time," she agreed softly, reassured by the words.

OFF:

Lt. jg Aria Rice
Security
USS Galileo

&

Lt. JG Scarlet Blake
Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

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