Holding on to something that's too far gone

Posted on 05 Mar 2013 @ 9:32pm by Commander Andreus Kohl

1,664 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Arboretum
Timeline: MD 03 - 1628 hours

[ON]

Lush botanical gardens on either side of him, holographic sky above, Andreus Kohl followed the arboretum's footpath on languorous steps. To an outside observer, his boots may have appeared to be too heavy for him. His feet were hardly moving, for a man with legs of his length. But it wasn't that. It wasn't his feet. It was the opposite. There were heavy thoughts weighing him down. Thoughts he buried beneath the words and charts he was devouring from a PADD.

When Maenad left the office of the 'building', she looked toward the tree where Liyar had been sitting. He was gone, she saw, and a little tinge of regret formed in her chest. Without displaying any reaction and without any visible change in her motion, she walked down the path to make her way back out into the ship which, in a place that looked like going going out would actually be going in, struck as rather odd.

A figure of someone trudging on the other side of the gardens, though, caught her eye. All of the arboretum staff was in the office; she'd just given them their tasks, so who was this guy? She frowned and her pace slowed as she wondered - Maenad could only see that was what looked like sulking along. He was in teal, but she didn't recognise him. Even though she was curious what his problem was, it wasn't any of her business. And she had enough problems of her own to start concerning herself others. Just as she was about to realise she didn't care, she stopped in her tracks.

That was Lieutenant Kohl. Kohl. She looked over her shoulder. Her mouth hung open. Yes, it most certainly was. It was his fault she was sick. It was his fault she could have died. If it weren't for Doctor Ni Dhuinn's expertly keen eyes, she could have been in a coffin headed back to Earth right now. And he'd even looked her in the eye and said she had nothing, nothing, to worry about. She felt a swelling in her throat. Not only that, but Andreus Kohl pretended to be her friend. He said he'd wanted to get to know her, make her feel welcome. Then, he cut her off. To him, she might as well have died. Suddenly, Maenad's lack of caring for his problems vanished. She wanted to know why he didn't care at all.

"Hey," she said as she came up behind him. Her tone was somewhere between frustration and impatience, and she looked exhausted. "What happened to you?"

Kohl's body froze in position and he just stood there, while Maenad caught up with him. Looking up at the false sky, he thought about his breathing, controlling his breathing, until Maenad's footsteps sounded like she was right behind him. The newly-blond Kohl turned to face her, his lips were pursed and he swallowed hard. "Lieutenant Panne," he said, but then he closed his mouth. He bit back an answer or maybe a question. His eyes were watery pools when he studied her and then they froze over in grim determination. "How are you doing?"

Maenad wasn't expecting the question. "I'm doing just fine," she said like it were obvious.

"That's..." Kohl trailed off, almost immediately, as his eyes went cloudy. He cleared his throat and took about half a step back. "...Not how Ni Dhuinn described it."

Maenad stuck out her chin but kept her mouth closed. She nodded a few times. "Yes, well, you're right; she would probably say that I'm not doing just fine." She clenched her jaw, watching him.

As much as Kohl had been expecting a chilly reception from Maenad, her responses were puzzling to him. He was inclined to rub his brow or fold his arms across his torso, but he held still. He held perfectly still, waiting for the sting. "Then..." Kohl hesitantly said, "You're in treatment now, yeah?"

She blinked once, twice, a third time. "Yes," she said finally. Behind her lips she worked her tongue like something was stuck in her teeth. "Kohl," she said finally, like an afterthought, "Where have you been? Why didn't you tell the doctor about my results?" The question came as though from an irritable teacher speaking to children who'd missed the bell.

"I submitted all of your sensor readings and test results for peer review," Kohl replied. He used the same tone of voice he might use to tell a patient she was dying. Now he did cross his arms over his chest, practically hugging himself. "...But you're talking about the haemolytic anaemia in particular."

Maenad hated this. She never should have gone over to him. She didn't want to talk about her health with anyone, or even think about it herself. Yet, over the past few days, it kept resurfacing. She nodded to say that, yes, he'd gotten right - that was exactly what she was talking about. "And where have you been?"

Kohl set his jaw and his eyes turned skyward. He was prepared to explain, he was prepared to expose his shame, but Maenad wanted to talk about his holiday excursions instead. She didn't sound terribly happy about it, but that was what she was asking. Despite that, he didn't for a moment consider ignoring the question. Kohl had known Maenad only briefly, but he knew there was no diverting her intentions. Breathing out through his nose, Kohl's posture loosened, his arms relaxed. He lost the impassive mask he had formed with the muscles in his face.

"Lieutenant Panne, have you ever met someone," Kohl asked, "began to court someone, with whom it was perfectly easy to share time and space? He was beautiful to look at, you couldn't know enough about him, and he was unconditionally accepting of you? And you were afraid you would lose that synergy if the courtship were to pause? You let night run into morning, and you let morning run into noon, until it was night once again, and you hadn't left his side?"

Maenad pushed her tongue against the backs of her teeth. She didn't like talking about love, and she didn't want to sound like a prude who'd never been loved by someone so passionately. "Sure," she lied from behind closed eyes and straightened eyebrows. She licked her lips.

"Then you can understand why I chose to spend my shore leave with Edias," Kohl said. He began in apologetic tones, but he reached his conclusion with an edge of unapologetic defiance. Still, his stance was deflating, his shoulders were hunched. He said, "I performed your physical examination to the best of my ability. I submitted my results to be reviewed by Doctor Ni Dhuinn or a designate." --His throat tightened-- "I didn't make the same diagnosis she did. I didn't tell anyone about your advancing condition, because I didn't recognize the symptoms myself. I didn't figure it out."

She breathed out through her nostrils. "Edias; he's the guy from the clinic you mentioned?" Maenad tired to recall.

"Edias, yeah," Kohl replied, and he sounded surprised that she had remembered his off-hand mention of the Betazoid. He smiled shyly, but his voice was spotted with regret like a hangover. "It felt like there was something there, something real..." --Kohl stared over Maenad's shoulder and shook his head-- "Anyway, it was a shore leave fling. I left it on Vega Colony."

"And then?" she asked expectantly, her voice level. "He cut you off?"

As Kohl thought about that question, consternation playing across his features. His goodbye from Vega Colony had been ambiguous and his last communique with Edias had not gone well. "I have my duty," Kohl said somberly, cutting down to the bones of the situation. "And Galileo isn't much of a family vessel."

Maenad stayed quiet. She had nothing more to say; he was upset and she was angry. It annoyed her that he hadn't properly taken care of her after her physical. It also annoyed her that after it had seemed like he wanted to get to know her he'd dropped into nonexistence. She remembered being told that he came from a hedonistic world, which she thought she appreciated. If it meant toying with the feelings of others, whether unconscious or not, then Maenad wanted to keep her distance. "No," she said as she brought up a finger to scratch behind an ear. "I suppose it's not."

After a pregnant pause, Kohl nodded as if Maenad had just said something. "Well, I'm glad you're in treatment. That's... what I wanted to say," he said awkwardly.

"Yes, as am I," she replied. Maenad looked around, eyeing the exit further off down the path. "I should be going. I have to check over the science labs ahead of arrival."

Any last scraps of charm had escaped him. He didn't want to make his excuses, but he was certainly thankful Maenad was making a tidy exit. "Hmm," Kohl said, and nothing came to mind aside from some cliche he had heard at the Academy. "Don't let me keep you." His arms flopping by his side, Kohl smiled wanly.

She gave him a single nod and straightened her lips before moving around him and for the door. A few paces away, Maenad stopped and turned halfway round to face him. "If you're feeling alone," she spoke up, "Remember that you're among friends," she said. Her tone was neither polite nor impolite; she was only reminding him. She'd been the victim of people's tidal emotions in the past and, however upset she was with Kohl, she felt for him. She held his eyes for a second longer before making a brisk pace to leave him alone.


[OFF]

Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Andreus Kohl
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (JG) Maenad Panne
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

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