Kiri Cho's Personal Log 03, Troubled

Posted on 25 Jun 2012 @ 5:33pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho

434 words; about a 2 minute read

I'm struggling. I don't want to tell anyone but I'm finding everything extremely painful right now. I feel like I keep failing at interacting with people. Most of the senior staff seem to dislike me, I haven't had much in a way of success in social interaction either. Now with the computer core as well, I think the captain is angry with me for not discovering why it happened. I don't understand, I can't do the impossible.

I wanted to be on a ship so I could see things before anyone else, to discover things. My work as a Sensor Specialist is fine, I haven't had any problems there. I also am doing okay in helm training. I want there to be an answer but really, I think I am doing fine. It is everything outside of my work that is going badly. I feel like its not fair.

I want someone to be near me, to want to talk to me and spend time with me. I like Doctor White, even though I think he is the reason I feel like this right now. He's nice and soft, he says he wants to help even though I want things he says are impossible. He doesn't want to spend time with me outside of his official capacity though. Even though I want to, I would like to spend time with him, well more time. I've never spoken that openly with anyone though, I trust him, I think. It would be selfish to monopolise his time though, there are other people that need him. I'm not that important.

There was a message from my parents though, why they were away last night. They have adopted little girl, a human called Sarah. She is nine years old and my mother is really excited about her. They didn't tell me, she says it was because they didn't know for sure. I'm supposed to be a grown-up, I feel jealous though. I mean, are they replacing me now I'm not at home? She's human as well, and, I'm probably just being silly but still. I don't know if I want to call home right now, I don't want to interrupt.

I don't want to sleep right now, being alone in the dark seems a bad idea. I don't know what else I can do though, I didn't sleep last night either. I need to sleep, but, I don't know. Maybe I should take some stimulants instead? I know its bad but, at least then I could be working. Maybe I should just work until I pass out instead.

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