Song on the Burned Wind

Posted on 01 Oct 2024 @ 4:35am by Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater

497 words; about a 2 minute read

Am I going to lose you?

Why would you think that you're going to lose me?

Because in the last four days you have spoken less and less.

Isn't that what you wanted? You were afraid. You resented the implication that you might not be mentally sound. You didn't want me to stay.

Maybe you were just a conduit for my memories of the alternate future and maybe you've already told me all there is to tell... But you were on my side. It doesn't feel like I have anyone in my corner right now.

You have your team with Tora and Vala. You have friends like Mimi and Nesh. And there's always Lamar and Jeysa. You are far from alone here Sof.

My team are colleagues and subordinates. That isn't a power dynamic that makes friendships easy. I've irrevocably damaged my friendships with others when we tried to kill people and Lamar and Jeysa aren't allies, they are liabilities. No as far as people I am close with that number has dwindled into nothingness. I've got you.

Well you will always have me, you know that I'm not just a-

Yeah, you don't need to tell me, you've always been a part of me the Cold Station and temporal hallucinations just gave you a voice. You're just a reflection of what's inside me.

I'm a monster dreamed up out of memories of burned flesh, flayed skin and pure terror. I'm not sure that's exactly the sort of reflection you want to see in the mirror.

That sounds accurate to me.

Don't be like that Sof. This whole self hating thing, it's not going to get us where we need to go. I want to see you succeed, I want us to go all the way. Whatever it takes. You need to see in yourself what I see in you. You need to be kind to yourself.

That you, the nightmare creature dreamed up to haunt me, would lecture me on being kind to myself is laughable. And you are wrong, I am undeserving of kindness so I'd ask you reserve those kinds of thoughts for times when you aren't audible. I appreciate having you around, guiding and supporting me, I want someone who I can talk to and confide in, but never tell me I need to love myself or that I'm worthy of respect.

I won't make promises. I'll be here how you need me Sof, even when you don't want to hear it. That's why you imagined me this way right?

I envision you as a monster because that is what I need, so fill your role: terrify me when I need it and serve as a reminder of where I have come from.

Don't fall into darkness Sof. I don't want to lose you.

Don't worry, it's you and me forever. Don't ever forget that.

RSS Feed