Cataclysm

Posted on 30 Sep 2024 @ 8:17pm by Ensign S'Ers-a M'Lyr'Zor

336 words; about a 2 minute read

I am...concerned. Something happened – something I do not believe we will ever remember beyond what meager glimpses have been afforded from the ripples of whatever occurred to us.

I performed a mind meld, while mating with an alien!…apparently for the second time if my hallucinations are to be believed. Why? Why would I have done such a reckless thing? Why did I fail to control myself? Oh. I believe I am struggling to maintain the separation between what is real and what is potentially imagined. Even if these flashbacks can be traced to an organic origin, why would I have had such tangible, erotic visions with someone I had never spoken to? I do not believe creating such a scenario is beyond my ability to imagine.

I have no answers. I am disturbed. My meditation is not emolliating in the manner I had anticipated. I am left with such conflicting sensations, and considering my recent actions I have determined my Logic has completely failed. I feel shattered again, but in a different way, a new way.

I sit in on the backs of my calves, in a position quite similar to seiza, attempting to gain insight into my own inexplicable actions regarding this human male. In my mind, such transcendence is not to be found. Instead, I find…chaos. Psychic threads with needle fine hooks were embedded everywhere. It feels discordant, but utterly stimulating. I want to experience it again.

It is his fault! Illogical. What occurred tonight did not take place in a vacuum. I castigate myself. How will this all get disentangled? It is the best course of action yet dissatisfying to even consider. I have no one to confer with, to seek guidance from…and I have stepped far beyond the pale of propriety.

Kaiidth.

Since I cannot find serenity in meditation; I will return to bed. I will also lie to myself that I do so out of ongoing fatigue.

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