Breaking Up Is Hard To Part 3 I

Posted on 31 Jul 2024 @ 6:31pm by Lieutenant JG Serran

1,841 words; about a 9 minute read

Eleven years ago
Previously in Part 2

Anjar recoiled, glad Jonathan hadn't said what he had thought about. Anjar had too and knew deep down it was going to happen, what had to happen instead. The Bajoran boy stood up, pacing around the table. "I do, too. But you have to go, and I have to stay. My family needs me, the best political programs are here, not out there. If I went with you....it would be to be with you, not for me, and the same is true here. We can keep having the same argument round and around." He took a deep breath, knowing what he had to do, but wondering if he could. "We need to put our career goals, and our needs separate from one another first. I think we have to break up."

Now the continuation

Serran suddenly found it hard to breathe. The words didn’t just sting, they were like an arrow to his soul. And he couldn’t keep the tears from springing to his eyes. He wanted to lash out, to hurt Anjar like he’d just been hurt, but he couldn’t do that. He loved the boy too much and he knew deep down that he was right. “I, I don’t want to lose you, Anjar.” He swallowed hard, I don’t ever want to lose you.”

Seeing his Vulcan boyfriend start to tear up, caused Anjar to do the same. He wiped at his eyes. "I don't want to lose you either, but what else are we going to do? Deep Space 13 is so far away."

“I don’t know,” Serran replied reaching over to take Anjar’s hand again. “I’ve seen the long-distance thing first hand. I know how hard it is. But it’s not impossible. Couldn’t we, couldn’t we try that?”

Anjar squeezed Jonathan's hand and drew him into a hug. "We could, but we're looking at four years apart," it was longer than they had been together and seemed so far away, "And then what happens when we receive different assignments? How--how did your moms do it for so long?"

Serran held on to Anjar not wanting to let him go. “I could lie to you and say it was just love, or love and a lot of hard work. And it was those things. But, they were already officers and they had some pull. So they were able to coordinate leaves and unless there was some emergency or one of them was on some classified mission, they could pretty much talk to each other whenever they wanted. I don’t think we could do it that way.”

"Then what do we do? I'm not sure a weekly subspace call and seeing you on breaks is enough," Anjar said, stroking Serran's hair. "I want more than that. A lot more."

By now, the tears were falling freely down Serran's face, “I want more than that too,” he said. “So, I, I, I think you’re right. As much as it hurts me, as much as I hate to give up on you, on us. I can’t give up on my dreams to command a ship someday and I can’t expect you to give up on your dreams, and what you want to accomplish. So… I guess we don’t have any choice. The only question. The only question is now, or in four weeks when we graduate.”

Anjar didn't know which would be harder. Having Serran for four more weeks, knowing he'd only lose him or losing him now. "I think--I think I need to think about that. I don't--I don't know which is worse. I think we both need to take some time and think about how we want this to end." Anjar pulled into a long, passionate kiss, savoring what could be their last moments together as a couple. "I'll call you," he promised. Then he reluctantly let the Human boy go and started to the door.

Serran wanted to call out to him, wanted to run to him. But he didn’t. He just sat there numbly and watched him walk out of the house and maybe his life for what could be forever.

Once Anjar had left, T janikrel finished coming down the stairs. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but had caught the latter part of Anjar and Serran's conversation. She could see how upset her brother was. Wordlessly she hobbled over to the replicator. "A glass of chilled blackberry lemonade, an ice pack, and two bowls of cookies and cream ice cream," she ordered from the replicator. She picked up the set and brought it over to the kitchen table, slowly lowering herself down into it. She stuck the ice pack down onto her lap and let out a pained sigh of relief. Then she pushed one of the bowls of ice cream to the chair closest to Serran

Wordlessly he took the bowl from her and slowly began eating. “I. I, god it hurts so much. Why does it have to be this way T janikrel, why?”

"Because the things that bring us the greatest pleasure also have the potential to give us unimaginable pain," she said sagely, eating from her own bowl. "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but there are other boys and girls out there. I'd wager there will even be a few in the Loki system. And, who knows, maybe you and Anjar will cross paths again later?"

“You really are pretty smart, I don’t know if anyone ever told you that before,” Serran said after he’d managed to stop crying and take a couple of bites of the ice cream. Promise me you won’t say anything to mother and father. Not until he decides whether we’re going to wait until after graduation. Will you do that for me?”

“I promise. That’s your and Anjar’s business, none of theirs until you want to tell them,” T janikrel reasoned. “Do me a favor and don’t tell them about me hobbling about or about how I spent my evening. Right now I don’t feel smart at all.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth, I was just going to make you that promise and ask what happened. Was, was it, you know, a boy?”

"Yeah.... I went out to return to Country of the Stars and let that romantic scene unfold. I dressed up for it, not for anyone else, but, you know, for me. This guy at the rec center came onto me, and I ate it up." She spun her spoon around in her bowl, staring down at it. "I've never been....desirable to someone before. It felt nice. For the first time, I felt like a woman instead of a little girl. So I invited him onto the holodeck with me. He replaced the holodeck character in the night picnic scene. We started kissing and then things....escalated from there. At first, it felt good and then it didn't and I didn't--still don't--know how any of it is supposed to feel, so I didn't say anything. Um, when we were done, we said goodnight and I came back here."

She set her spoon down and sighed. "I feel like a crumpled-up tissue in more ways than one. Is it....supposed to hurt the first time? Or is it because I rushed into it with a stranger? Or is there something wrong with me?"

“First, there’s nothing wrong with you. At least I don’t think so. And yes, it does hurt the first time. I can tell you that from personal experience. And I don’t think it was because he was a stranger or you rushed into it. You know as long as you’re sure he wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. If you think that might be the case then I’ll go kick his ass and cut something off of him. But, it does get better and does start to feel good.”

“Anjar and I never used protection like mother kept insisting, but we did use, you know, other stuff. Maybe that would help you too. You do know what I meann by stuff don’t you?”

T janikrel stared back at him blankly. “I have no idea what you’re referring to. You use 'stuff’ and 'things’ to describe just about everything.”

Serra's face turned a deep green. “Oh my God, you’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you? He asked, “Okay fine. Lu...

As soon as he started to say the word, T'janikrel knew what he meant, stuck her fingers in her ears, and started saying. “La, la, la, I get it now, I get it. Excuse me for being sweet and innocent and never replicating such things.” She pulled her fingers out of her ears and looked meekly over at Serran. “It does help?”

“It does and it’s kind of fun to put on.”

“Thank you, I needed that mental image. I knew you would threaten to kick this guy’s ass if I said anything,” T'janikfrel continued. “I knew it. I promise, going onto the holodeck together was my idea and I’m the one who didn’t say anything when I wasn’t enjoying what was happening. He didn’t take advantage of me.”

She took a sip of her lemonade and adjusted the ice pack. “I’m sorry about you and Anjar. I know you love him a lot.”

“I do, and I’m never going to stop loving him. I don’t care how good looking anyone on the Annex might be they’ll never be able to take his place. No one could do that. But, I think he was right. It is the only way. It is the right thing. It just doesn’t seem like the right thing now.”

“And it probably won’t for a long time to come, but wounds heal even broken hearts,” T'jankriel said. “I know it’s none of my business, but if I were you two, I’d take every minute I could get with each other. Make some more memories, have some more sex, eat some more,” she looked at the pizza they had replicated and wrinkled her nose, “pizza ruined by pineapple. What you two have is special. It seems silly not to enjoy it while you can. You can join the T'janikrel club of depressed single people making bad decisions and having one-night stands in four weeks.”

“You’re right and that’s what I’m going to tell him tomorrow. If it’s got to end, I’m not going to let it end like this.” He pointed to the empty chair Anjar had just been sitting in before turning back to her, “I love you, sis.”

T'janikrel lifted a spoonful of ice cream to her mouth, smirked, and said, “I know.”

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