The Lighthouse

Posted on 20 Jan 2014 @ 10:40pm by Commander Norvi Stace & Lieutenant JG Delainey Carlisle

1,605 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: Starfleet HQ - Dr. Delainey Carlisle's Office
Timeline: Mission Day 2 - 10:00hrs

"I appreciate your coming by, Lieutenant," Delainey offered candidly. She recognized Stace may not think she had a choice, but Carlisle knew that not liking the choices one had was not the same as not having a choice at all. It was a sentiment she hoped to convey to Norvi in this meeting, but more than that, Delainey wanted to convey her concern for the other woman's well-being. Her behavior during the Away mission was a red flag of sorts that in Delainey's professional opinion needed to be addressed.

Stace simply raised an eyebrow and subtly smiled at the counsellor as she stepped into Carlisle's office and awkwardly lurked in the entrance before she took the proffered seat. This was a difficult situation for the Trill. She had been through weeks and weeks of psychological assessment both before and after her joining, and as competent as Starfleet psychologists were, this was the last place where Stace wanted to find herself.

"Thank you, Doctor," she managed, only a hint of falsehood lilting her voice as she lowered herself into the chair. "I didn't necessarily have a choice, did I?"

"You could have chosen not to come," Delainey replied evenly, "but for the record, I'm glad you did."

"Listen," Stace started with, conscious of her tone, "I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with you, Counsellor. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, but I really don't need any help with dealing with my emotions when it comes to the Borg." She checked herself and briefly broke eye contact with the doctor. "Granted, I emotionally reacted when down on the surface with those aliens. But if you only knew what I had suffered at the hands of the Borg - what I have witnessed them do to friends and colleagues time and time again - then you'd understand." Stace sighed and then, confronted by silence, continued to talk. "I'm not de-validating your own struggles with them, Doctor. With your own crew. Or claiming that my own suffering is greater. But any alien that control the Borg like puppets needs to be kept at arms' length."

Delainey noted Stace's struggle to keep emotional control and understood she was trying very hard to not to present herself in a way that would get her in trouble with counseling, whatever that meant in Stace's eyes. Carlisle felt it important to put her at ease. "I completely understand why you feel the way you do, and I'm sorry if in asking you to come here I gave you the impression your feelings weren't ok. You're not alone in that regard when it comes to the Borg, especially given all we've been through. I wanted to check in with you because it appeared you were struggling to deal with your emotions, and in my experience, that kind of pain is a lot to handle alone. I just wanted to give you a safe place to express how you're feeling."

Stace relaxed and her face softened further, not fully understanding where the human Delainey ended, and the professional counsellor began. But she didn't want to appear hostile towards any one who was offering her help, in whatever capacity, nor someone who was on her side of this battle. "I'm not afraid of my emotions, Counsellor," Norvi began hesitantly. "And usually I don't suffer with keeping them in check. But..." and she broke off, breaking eye contact with Carlisle and looking towards the floor, "in such a delicate, First Contact situation, I'm not entirely sure I should be assisting. I feel this eruption of anger well up inside my belly and I have to bite my tongue to stop exploding and jeopardising the remainder of this mission."

"What do you think makes this situation different for you? Why do you think you're having trouble handling your emotions now?"

"Perhaps," Stace started flippantly, "that it might have something to do with facing certain death at the hands of the Borg and that this somehow invokes a internal reaction that not only threatens me, but my previous host also. It's difficult to manage."

"Starfleet Officers face death regularly," Delainey pointed out evenly, ignoring Stace's tone. "Even if you were much newer to the service, Academy training regularly assesses a person's response to stress, including life-threatening stress. You said you've never had a problem handling your emotions before now, so I'm just wondering if you have a theory as to why this might be?"

"I suppose," Stace began almost trepidatiously, taken aback a little by the counsellor's words, "I don't know. And that's why I'm here." She sighed, shaking her head a little and then rose to her feet. "I'm obviously wasting both our time, Doctor. I'll figure this out on my own."

"I asked you what you thought not to make you feel badly," Carlisle reassured, "but merely to get your point of view on what you think might be going on. It's alright if you don't know. We can figure this out together."

Stace suddenly broke eye contact with Carlisle and then relaxed, lowering herself down into the chair again. "Sorry," she replied quietly, her eyes now seemingly rounder with regret. "It just seems like a thread of anger from my past life to this. And I can't quite reconcile it."

"There's no need to apologize," Delainey replied gently. "You have every right to feel angry and whatever else you're feeling. Emotions are neither right or wrong. I think, however, if I'm understanding you so far, we're both in agreement that it's how you react to those feelings that's the issue. Will you tell me more about this link to the past?"

Stace sighed a little but more in preparation than annoyance or discomfort and slowly softened her face when she glanced up to look at the counsellor. "I suppose it all boils down to my previous host, and what kind of self-righteous and proud man he was." She smiled rather fondly as she cast her mind back to who she used to be, who she used to know. "He was, for better or for worse, himself a Starfleet captain. But a reluctant joinee to the Symbiont. It wasn't his choice to be joined and he rather resented it for the remainder of his life. He even resigned his early commission in order to mentally prepare himself post-joining. But it was with facing the Borg that Janel really came into his own. Awarded several field decorations for his cunning and command. And I suppose, if he had fallen at the hand of the Borg, he would have, to some degree, been content. But he didn't. He came out relatively unscathed and unwounded. But to a man like Janel, who finally deteriorated into long term ill health after a bout with the Breen in the Dominion Wars, it was an embarrassment. His pride could match that of any Klingon! And to fall because of an exploding console was a deep humiliation for him. Spending his latter years back and to to both Trill and Starfleet Medical. But, for some reason, instead of fixating on the Breen and their own prowess he latched onto his feelings about the Borg. And it still seems to resonate through me now, I guess."

Stace's words served as a reminder to Delainey to be especially sensitve to the experiences of joined Trill. It wasn't that she forgot about the psychological complexities involved with this particular population, per say, they just weren't always foremost in her mind. Thinking about what Stace offered, Delainey found herself filled with compassion. "This must be an especially confusing time for you, as you not only try to contend with the trauma you've endured, but also as you figure out how it fits with all of the other memories and experiences that are part of you but still somewhat removed from you at the same time."

"It can be a minefield, yes," Stace replied simply, relaxing now even more as she felt that the counsellor understood her plight. "But we are put through years of training to deal with these... afflictions. I guess, sometimes, all that goes out of the window and sometimes you just have to let yourself feel something, instead of quashing it."

Delainey nodded. "I never meant to imply that being trained to manage challenges means you're somehow less capable if your emotions get the better of you. I think it's about learning how to assess your emotional state from time to time, and then once you recognize you need that release, finding out what works for you that's healthy."

"I know," Norvi said poignantly. "It's just sometimes hard to recognise that." She smiled and looked up to the counsellor. "Thanks, Counsellor. I appreciate you taking the time for me."

"I'm happy to do it," Carlisle replied, "and I know if we work together, I can help you begin to recognize and respond when you're feeling overwhelmed." It was her way of suggesting more sessions without leaving her feeling she was damaged or abnormal.

Stace arose from her chair and offered a genuine, honest smile. "Thank you, Counsellor. I might consider that offer since we're both staying on the Gally." She extended her hand and took Carlisle's in hers. "I'll see you about, I'm sure." Stace knew what the counsellor was aiming for, but didn't want to quite commit herself without necessary cause. She turned and left the room, a small, content smile still adorning her features.

Lt. Delainey Carlisle, M.D., Ph.D.
Counselor/Medical Officer
USS Galileo

AND

Lieutenant Norvi Stace
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

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