It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...

Posted on 03 Jun 2015 @ 11:00pm by Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy

355 words; about a 2 minute read

Lieutenant Junior Grade McCarthy's Personal Log, Stardate 67856.30

I miss him....I miss him more than I thought it would be possible to miss a person ever. Every night I fall asleep my is my last thought, the memory of his eyes greet me when I close my own. When I wake in the morning, my arms reach for him and the disappointment is overwhelming when I don't find him there.

I don't know how to cope with this...I never saw it coming nor did I ever anticipate it would happen. I knew that he was still onboard but I had anticipated that his wife would still be here...I didn't know they were now divorced.

Even when he told me, I still didn't dare to think that there would be more between us. Perhaps rebuilding the friendship we had before but more...it didn't seem believable...it still doesn't.

But even when he begun to push, ever so slightly as he didn't want to scare me away I believe...I longed to push back. To say no but those weren't the words that left my lips.

Instead I let him right in, all of the way. So much so it scares me....I trusted so easily after everything that's happened and I don't know if it was right or wrong.

He's an amazing person...part of me wonders if perhaps he deserves better. Perhaps he deserves a life with someone who can make him happy and give him a family and love that in unconditional.

Then another part of me selfishly wants to be that person. The person who makes him think,This is it...third time lucky and I will never look back. Part of me wants to be that woman that shows him unconditionally that this is it...this was what he's spent his life seeking for over and over and never before been able to grasp with both hands.

I wish he was here...it's all so much easier when his arms are around me and everything else ceases to exist....Bring him home again to me soon....Please...

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