Self-Doubt and Self-Lies

Posted on 08 Mar 2014 @ 9:03pm by Commander Andreus Kohl & Lieutenant Elijah Williams IV, M.Sc.

1,723 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 05 - Solstice
Location: Earth - San Francisco, Baker Beach
Timeline: MD 55 - 1300 hours

[ON]

It took some focus and some concentration, but Andreus Kohl curled his toes on that muddy line where the ocean collided with the shore. With his body otherwise still, he watched the Pacific Ocean lazily recoil from the beach. As his toes curled beneath him, Kohl was certain the sand felt more real -- more granular -- than it had done on his last trip to a beach. He was certain there was a greater sensation since his return from Akkadia, but perhaps it was simply his body recovering itself, and little to do with the gene therapy his body had rejected. Or it was psychosomatic. And then the ocean returned, and splashed over his feet, washing away the grains of sand.

With a glass of lemonade cupped between his hands, Kohl turned away from the ocean. He dragged his gaze past the golden gate bridge to take in the sights on the beach. Kohl himself was dressed in fitted cappuccino-coloured swimming trunks, and a tank top that was vertically striped in brown and pink. Wrapped around his exposed thighs and calves were motor-assist bands that were blinking softly. To protect his sapphire eyes from the cloudless sun, he wore sunglasses of the kind in fashion on Argelius II these days.

The sand felt odd under his feet and Elijah Williams had debated putting his flip flops back on. He didn't go to the beach often and thus had to replicate appropriate wear for the occasion. He chose swim trunks that were simple, blue and white striped with a hem that came up just above the knee. For a top he just wore a white tank top, it was simple enough. He pushed up his sunglasses to the top of his head as he spotted the tall Argelian male. He approached, "hello Andreus."

"Hullo, Elijah," said Kohl; "I'm excited to meet you." Since Elijah popped his sunglasses on top of his head, Kohl did the same. He was disinclined to do so, but he supposed it was a social custom, wherever Elijah was from, to make eye-contact whenever possible. Kohl reached out a hand to engage in a handshake, but it was the hand with the glass of lemonade in it. Narrowing his eyes, Kohl looked at his own hand in confusion, and offered his free hand to shake. At the same time, he didn't withdraw the lemonade just yet, just in case Elijah had already decided he wanted the icy beverage.

There had seemed to be confusion on the handshake part, but Elijah rolled with it. He wasn't sure if Andreus Kohl shared the same affliction with social awkwardness as he did, but a hand-shake was simple enough. He took the free hand into his own and gave it a firm shake before letting it drop. "It's nice to meet you as well and on the beach of all places," Elijah said as he looked out to the Pacific Ocean. He had to admit, it was a breath-taking view. He turned his attention back to the taller man. He was holding a glass of what looked to be lemonade, it was as if he was offering it. "Uh, thank you for the offer," he said indicating the glass. "But, I am good for now."

Glossing over the lemonade fiasco, Kohl clasped the tall tumbler between both of his hands. "We're about to spend the next forty-something days, or weeks, walking between laboratories and corridors," Kohl said. Despite his choice of words, he actually didn't sound like a lamentation. He smiled at Elijah "I'm taking all of my meetings on the beach, while I can."

Elijah clasped his hands behind his back, "I see." He looked around the beach and shrugged, "I suppose that is prudent. It has a lot of uh... space I guess." He turned his attention back to the Argelian. He had just hoped that any part meeting didn't take place in the water. As inviting as it looked, Elijah was not a strong swimmer and he didn't want to embarrass himself infront of the other man. "So, what would you like to talk about?"

Taking a leisurely step or two, Kohl began to walk across the length of the beach. "I can't say I have a checklist," Kohl said, "but I wanted to get to know you, now that you've joined Galileo's Science department. I understand this will be your first starship posting?"

Falling instep next to the taller man, Elijah just nodded. "Yes, this will be my first starship posting," he said. "I'm looking forward to it," he added. It was the truth, it wasn't him blowing smoke or trying to suck up. He became a geologist not just because he loved that branch of science but because he wanted to get out into the universe and learn.

Kohl studied the microexpressions on Elijah's face as he spoke, and then he didn't wait long before responding. "Ahhh, but are you looking forward to the duty or to the adventure?" Kohl asked, perhaps cryptically.

"I'm not the adventurous type sir," Elijah stated. "But, scientists have been studying the geological make up of the Earth for hundreds of years. There isn't really anything new there." He was obviously speaking broadly, but as a geologist studying the Grand Canyon was pretty much the apex of ones career if staying on Earth. "It's time to expand my horizons and a science vessel like the Galileo is my chance to do just that."

At the limits of studying geology on only one world, Kohl chuckled a brief, "heh," at Elijah's words. He nodded at the aspirations expressed by Elijah and considered the man with a lopsided smile. "Well then, what can Galileo do for you?" Kohl asked. "What kind of environment or support can our science department offer to have you at your most focused and fulfilled?"

What an odd question. Elijah had just assumed the scientist on board would be like the scientists he worked with now. "I am already focused," he said. "As for fulfilled," he shrugged, "I just hope to work with good people. It is a small ship after all." He paused, letting a few moments hang between them. "Being able to travel to other planets outside of our own solar system will be fulfilling enough for me."

"What do you hope to find," Kohl asked, and he took a quick sip of his lemonade, "on those other planets out there?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," Elijah shrugged. "Something new, something different. I mean our own solar system proves the diversification of planets, I suppose you just never know what you will find out there." He paused then spoke again, "Nevertheless, it's time to spread my wings so to speak and fly."

Nodding at Elijah's words, Kohl sipped from his lemonade again. He slowly lead them further along the beach. "Is there anything you would like to know from me?" Kohl asked. "I've served aboard Galileo for about a year, but I've only recently been assigned as the Assistant Chief of the Science department."

Elijah really didn't have personal questions, especially since this man that walked next to him was one of his superiors. "Congratulations sir, on your promotion," he said. He had thought if that was where his career would take him to those higher up positions. "What is your particular specialty?"

Kohl tilted his head to the left, and he said, "Well..." He cleared his throat and kept his eyes dead-ahead. "I'm a nurse practitioner and an ex-diplomat."

"Oh," Elijah said simply. "How does a nurse practitioner and an ex-diplomat end up on a science vessel in the science department?" It was a valid question.

Hearing Elijah's, "oh," loud and clear, Kohl shared a smile with the younger man. Kohl certainly expected the question, and his knowing smile practically said as much. All the same, Kohl looked out towards the ocean, and popped his sunglasses down over his eyes. "Cross-training," Kohl lied. "I still haven't found a specialty that speaks to me. Not like geology resonates with you. I put on the uniform to be an officer first. The colour on my collar doesn't matter to me too much."

"Well that's uh... open-minded," Elijah said clearly perplexed by this admission. He hadn't been in Starfleet long, but most knew what division and collar color they wanted to be in. Geologist seemed like a natural career for him, he couldn't imagine doing anything else. "Nevertheless, I look forward to serving with you no matter what capacity that might be in."

Glancing over at him, Kohl offered a smile from behind his shades. "Thank you, Elijah," Kohl said. "I hope I can exceed your expectations."

Elijah mirrored the smile, all he expected of his coworkers was to do their job and their fair share. "Actually, I hope I can exceed your expectations. I don't want to let you or anyone else down." He was a hard, dedicated worker but there was always the self-doubt, self-doubt his parents had firmly planted in the deep recesses of his brain.

"How do you think you could let me down?" Kohl asked, as if that had never occurred to him. He continued onwards down the beach at a languid pace and he looked upwards to feel the sun on his face.

Elijah didn't answer at first, only because he didn't know how to answer the question. He stayed quiet for a few more moments as he walked next to the taller man. "I'm not really sure," he said honestly. "New assignment I guess, it's really more reassurance on my part then anyone else."

"Well then," Kohl said, in his most reassuring timbre. This time, he looked at Elijah, really looked right at him. "We'll have to do everything in our power to ensure you don't feel as if you've let any of us down."

This time Elijah smiled, the affirmation was good to hear. It certainly was something he would have never heard growing up. He had always found it amazing how parents could screw-up a child. "Thank you Andreus, I appreciate that," he said. He really did appreciate it.

[OFF]

Lieutenant Andreus Kohl
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

&

Lieutenant JG Elijah Williams IV
Geologist
USS Galileo

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