Musings

Posted on 31 Aug 2017 @ 4:57am by Commander Marisa Wyatt

560 words; about a 3 minute read

Today was my first day of group counseling as ordered by Starfleet Medical. The purpose is to learn how to talk about my feelings and work through my anger issues. But I can't talk about Kreanus, or the Galileo, or the current trial. Officially, I was part of the Cartagena crew, or what was left of the crew, so the Galileo doesn't really come into this particular matter, except that if it weren't for them, I would still be on Kreanus. Or dead. That's a cheery thought, isn't it? But if what happened to the others is anything to go by, Petra and my chances weren't good.

If I'm totally honest, that particular group is a waste of time. Most of the people there are 'regulars' who talk for attention, or to be heard, rather than to actually talk out their problems. One woman in particular was more interested in the tale she told and the reaction of the group than it actually getting help.

I did have an interesting conversation during the break with a gentleman who seems to have been to far too many group sessions without dealing with whatever is causing him so much sorrow and pain. He could benefit from a good counselor, but we as a profession don’t seem to take suggestions very well. Many of us already know what we should be doing, so it's much harder for us to actually do what we need to. I wish I could have said or done something to help, but I doubt I'll see him again.

At least I only have to attend four group counseling sessions. If I behave well, and participate, I'll be released to...I don't know what. They won't tell me. I must take this one step at a time.

On a different note, permission to work with Dr. Helsing came through. I'll be spending a week on his dig. I think that will go a long way towards helping me regain my inner balance. I've found that, for me, getting away from everything and digging in the dirt for artifacts is a very good way to get perspective.

I'm spending more time meditating. Vulcan techniques do help me with my control. They also help me maintain an outward calm when I'm feeling anything but inside. Perhaps, if the week on site doesn't help, I'll request a transfer to Vulcan so I can study more about their history. My mother would be thrilled. She wants me to do more with my Vulcan abilities. Getting away from things that remind me of...some people...might be a good idea as well. I'll see how things go over the next few months.

On a final note, Admiral Saalm's trial is about to begin. I want to stay away because I know how they might twist things after the inquiry, but I can't. She did a lot of good, and I honestly believe she did her best to save her crew. I need to know that she will be okay. Then, well, we shall see.

With all that is going on--or not going on --I find that I do not like having my future so up in the air. But it gives me a chance to focus on what I can do. Even in this, there is something to learn.

End log

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